Poetry

Giggly

How can you make me feel so nervous

Like I’ve got nothing to say

Like all I say is silly

Giggly

And childish

I want to make you smile

Make you run away

And never look back

That way I won’t fall in love again

Won’t get disappointed

Won’t have my heart broken again

But what if I didn’t

What if I actually tried

And showed you the real me

Not the pink haired unicorn girly-girl

The vulnerable quiet insecure one

The one I rarely show the world

For it is easier to put on a show

Than allow others to hurt and judge you

Easier playing the fool

Than who we really are

For what if someone see you

And doesn’t like you

⁃ I really don’t want to fuck this up

Poetry

You and I are a strange match

You and I are a strange match

A crazy couple

You smile

Spark

I laugh

Fire

We touch

Blazing heat

I want to tell you so bad

But I’m scared of ruining it

Scared of letting go

Letting myself fall

If I fall I’m lost

If I fall I’ll loose

If I fall I need you to catch me

A cliché but true

A burden but important

A exaggeration but underrated

For if you are not there for me

Who will be

If you won’t hold me close at night

Who will?

We’re a strange match

A funny couple

But maybe that just might work

Maybe that just might be right

Maybe we should try

Poetry, Written Words

Too much

When there’s too much, I give up.
When all seems lost, I just want to sleep.
When all is right, it falls apart the minute it’s gone.
I put too much on the table and end up with nothing in my hands.

All these thoughts and pressures help nobody but the stress-minions in my body.
They grow stronger for every minute, trying to make it all okay.
Trying to become the person the world is telling me to be.
Clever, smart, brilliant, unique, thin and special.
All in one day.
All in one hour.

But it’s too much.
So I give up.

I stop trying for either way I know I will fail.
Know I can’t do it all in one day.
So why even try.

It’s all too much.

Poetry, Written Words

I have given up on love

I have given up on love
on believing there will be someone there
at all those lonely night
I find myself wondering
if maybe I was fooling myself
this whole time

Maybe I should have quit long ago
in the forrest they wait
but not for me
for the next best thing
the perfect thing ready to do
whatever they’re told

I’m not like that
I don’t work that way
maybe that’s why I’ve given up
because every time I try
it all just seems to get thrown
straight into my face
all over again

I sit in silence and hear the world
outside my window
stare into nothing and
sing a little song
tomorrow is a new day
some people are not for you
we have to face it
but one day
one special day
you will face the one that is

 

Karoline's Blog, Written Words

My bookshelf

As I take a look at my bookshelf I see numerous hobbies and things that interest me. French language, fairytales, classic literature, film, photography, poetry, hiking, traveling, social media, corny love novels etc. etc. With all these many different thoughts going through my head, no wonder I’m having a hard time figuring out what I want to be.

But that’s the thing. Do we really have to sit down and sign a lease saying we will be doing the same thing for the rest of our lives? Or do we simply have to start at one and then work our way through the rest till we seem semi happy and feel like we can live like that the rest of our lives.

I am a big believer in being specific. Being great at one thing and then knowing everything about that one thing. But let’s just say that a bit hard when you still haven’t gotten to the point where you narrow down to that ONE thing.

After spending my whole summer in Toronto thinking about this I came to realize something. Maybe I don’t have to figure it out right now. Sure I don’t know where I’m going in life etc, but who does? My mom just took another new education in something with needles and meditation and she’s 54. So I think I have plenty of time.

But one thing I noticed was. With all these different hobbies, there is a lot of different knowledge. Knowledge is a thing you can’t buy or fake. you simply have to do the reading or care. So knowing about all these things: unicorns, Peter Pans, Nicholas Sparks Novels (trust me it will come in handy one day) or the history of film. All these things will be useful to me one day, which ever career I end up in.

 

So maybe I should try to worry less and just be happy that I am not sick of the world and all it has to offer. Be happy that I have a curious mind and want to learn it all in half the time that is available to me. Maybe you should be a bit nicer to yourself as well. And just smile.

Karoline's Blog, Written Words

Bubbles

We often find ourselves in a bubble of some sort. It can be a family bubble, new love bubble, computergame, great book or friendship bubble. When this happens it is important to allow yourself time to appreciate and find yourself in there. But when you have had enough time there, you must move on and continue on in the real life once again.

Coming home from my vacation I found myself in a family bubble. Having spend enough time being young and wild, it was time for me to relax and have quality time with the ones who matter the most to me at the moment.

When a friend fall in love, it can be hard to accept that you are no longer their main bubble. They don’t spend the same time with you and when you are finally together something has changed. You can’t do anything about it except accept it.

People change all the time and we have a bad tendency of apologizing for our needs. I kept saying to my parents; “Please don’t think I have any friends, I promise I do. I am just not in the mood right now”. Saying this was like telling myself it wasn’t okay to stay inside the bubble I needed to be in at that moment. And not allowing myself that, isn’t helping anybody.

So from now on I am going to try to stay in whichever bubble I feel like staying in, for however long I need to. But remember. You can’t hide away forever.

Which is my today I will burst my bubble. Go back out there and face whatever it is I am hiding for. For who knows what it might be? All I know I that I won’t let myself stay inside not knowing. Time to start a new one. Perhaps friendship? New love? Who knows.