Karoline's Blog, Poetry

Happiness

Today I realized a thing.

The only reason I don’t feel happy is because I won’t let myself feel happy.

The only reason I feel lonely is because I choose to be alone.

The only reason I feel single is because I keep telling everybody that I’m single.

That I hate it.

Which is not true. It’s quite fun. I quite enjoy the freedom. The random nights. The hot, awkward, romantic, sexy and awful kisses. Each one is a story I treasure. A time I will miss some day in the future when I can no longer run around and kiss strangers.

Today I learned that if I wish to be happy I simply have to tell myself to be happy. Because I am. I’ve just hid it under a negative layer of hatred and complaints because i thought that was more interesting. Because people told me I was too positive. But what is that? Too positive. That’s a great thing.

So if you don’t mind.

I’m going to strip those negative layers off.

One annoying thought at a time:

I work too much – yes, but only cause you like your job

I never get anything done – no, because you stare into your phone all day

I will never find a boyfriend – maybe you should go on a date

I am so lonely – no, you never answer your friend or accept their invitations

I will die alone – you isolate yourself out of boredom

Today I learned a lot.

I learned how to grow and move on.

I learned how to stop the negative stream of thought.

I’m quite excited about tomorrow.

Some changes are good.

And I can’t wait for this one!

Poetry, Written Words

Mirror

A mirror is like looking into a persons soul.
Their expression when they find one, will tell you everything you need to know.
Their mood, happiness and feelings, are measured by how that person in the mirror stares back at them. Are they happy? Sad? Fat? Thin?
A lot can be said about that person. A lot of words can be screamed. Not nice, not useful. Anything goes.

When I look into the mirror I stare. I stare for minutes, sometimes for hours. I look for answers. If the mirror can't tell me what's wrong, then no one can. If the mirror can't make me smile, then no one can.

I have tried loving it. Hating it. Breaking it.. but they're everywhere. Glass, water, reflections. They follow me around.
Look here, look there, I'm back again. Love me, notice me, look at me.

And I do. I go back every time hoping something has changed. Hoping something is new and better. But it never is. I guess I'll just have to live with it and smile back. Hoping.

It will all be okay.