Karoline's Blog

Pictures on Tinder

I have horrible taste in men. I’m just saying. As I sit here, wasting my time away by swipes my finger from side to side, I’ve started to notice a pattern.
We’re all the same.
We judge people based on 2-3 carefully chosen profile pictures and then have an idea what that person is like.
Gosh, it’s tiring.

But I might as well get something useful out of all the millions of hours I have spent thinking the next swipe will be the one.

So here are some typical Tinder pictures (for guys) and what they actually mean:

  • The baby picture

“I promise I don’t have a baby, but now you know I’m capable of holding one and isn’t that damn adorable. Doesn’t that make me more f***able?” Sure… Well done. But if I read ” not my baby” one more time I’m deleting the app (just kidding I need love in my life and this is the only one I can use in my bed, while eating icecream).
And if you do have a baby then please let me know before we go out, so I can put that into my specific love equation that lets me know if we belong together or not.

  • Surfboard
  1. Look at my hot body
  2. Look at my hot body holding this hot surfboard
  3. Imagine me surfing
  4. Are you imagining a hot Australian guy like Chris Hemsworth.
  5. Now close your eyes and think of him while we…

I mean… It’s cool. It’s hot. If you actually know how to work it and don’t fall off, I’m in.

  • Selfie

Please no. All I’m imagining is you, alone, in your room, trying 6 different poses to get that selfie just right… Nah

  • Animals

Here I want to highlight the grant amount of cute doggy and kitty pictures that float around Tinder and other social media love apps. It’s cute. Especially since you KNOW we will give you a like SIMPLY because it would be downright RUDE to turn down such an amazingly cute animal. I have no idea what the guy in the pictures looks like but GOSH you found a cute animal to take a picture with (because most of them aren’t yours anyway)

  • Jumping in front of cool travel spots

Wow, you travel. Welcome to 2018. Everybody’s been to Thailand. Go to the moon and I’ll be impressed. Or better yet go to Wisconsin (no offense to Wisconsin it just has a nice ring to the name and I’m not sure it’s a huge Instagram spot if it is I’m sorry).

  • Musical instruments

Aka. the guitar. Aka. wanna hear me play John Mayer? DO I???!? If you actually play the guitar (like the surfboard) that’s hot. If you’re trying to fake who you are, just don’t. I’ll find out sooner or later anyway.

  • The funny note

Finally! Some personality! I want to know who YOU are, not the Tinder robot you created while dreaming of all the hot girls this profile will get you. Be weird, be sassy, be ironic (again I have to warn you I do tend to have a weird taste in men so this may not apply to you all).

  • The “oh look I wear glasses sometimes” picture

“I can be hot. And sexy. And nerdy. Anything you want.” *****WARNING**** Major fetish reveal coming up… I love glasses. Those big nerdy hipster, spiderman, superman all man glasses. So please don’t think this is a bad thing. Also… you know once the glasses come off…

And last but not least. This is not a picture I know that but gosh. The importance and difference it makes must not to be forgotten…

  • The profile text

YAS! If you can write a good, original, funny, somewhat creepy in a charming way profile text then I am yours. All the previous judgments and assumptions I had about you before. POOF evaporates. Just like that. You must be a BLAST to hang out with and I will do my best to consider it before I after 15 minutes of swiping decide that love is hopeless and I should just buy a cat or a turtle.. Where was I? Oh yeah. If you can catch me in those 15 minutes of love and hope, WOW well done you!

So yeah. I guess that was it for me.
Now I can go back to stare at strangers I will never meet, but perhaps one day will marry. What a great world we live in.

Till next time.

Ps. I have no idea who that guy in the picture is. Is was the first thing to come up when I googled Tinder pictures. Sorry handsome but unknown fellow. This isn’t pointed at you I promise.

Poetry

Jazzy feeling

I loved you like I love an old jazz song

That cozy feeling of familiar is surrounding me

We sing and smile like we’ve felt this way forever

Nothing out of the ordinary

 

We fell apart like the sound of crashing waves

Beautiful from afar but threatening up close

We fall at times when we want to stand

I know this
for this is me

We summon the wrong things at the wrong time

I feel bad for you

For you will never get this again

Never feel my breath on your skin or my love in your heart

 

I smile remembering it all

I cry trying to forget it

– That jazzy feeling

Poetry

I love dancing with you

17 January 2018 00:26

I love dancing with you
Love how you twirl me around and make me feel like the entire world is about me

Your hands
Your eyes
Your smile
Everything turns me on

I love watching you dance
The joy you feel jumps to my heart and make me want to be with you
Be close you to
Belong to you

I love watching you come near me
Asking me for just one dance
Telling me I’m getting better
I’ll improve
You’ll behave

All this nonstop chatter and flirting is making me confused
For all I want is you by my side
Dancing all night long
You and I

But you keep dancing
Keep flashing that smile of yours
Was it ever mine to keep or just another one of your toys

I love dancing with you for I feel naked
I feel vulnerable
With no one else in sight
Just you and I lost in a trance

I love feeling your heart beat and anticipating your next move
Hopefully it will soon move to my heart
For it is your to take

Poetry

Meant to be

17 june 2018 8:53

It was meant to be

Written in the stars

that’s what they all say

Before those were just words in a sentence

Before that, was just sounds from a mouth

Suddenly I see the truth in them

Suddenly it seems as if it’s more than just a night

More than just a kiss

I saw you

Looked into your eyes all night

Talked about your family

Asked about my dreams

Our eyes grew tired as the sun came up

Our bodies fit together like a puzzle

No need to push

No need to adjust

It just said click

As I looked into the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen

I started to wonder

Will I see them again

Will I be in those arms once more

I sat down on the bed watching you dress

Hoping it would be true

All the things we said

The promises we made

I hoped it would be a way for the universe to show me

That this was where I was meant to be

Poetry

It took one glance

It took one image to fall back in love with you

One glance for all the feeling to come crashing down on me

The memories returning l, making me wonder why we ever stopped

We were good together

Weren’t we?

We should be together

Shouldn’t we?

Is it too late now?

Did I loose my chance

Fuck it all up with my insecurity and doubtful mind

I really hope one day you will forgive me

That one day I get to look into those eyes again

The eyes that made me believe in love once again

Poetry

You are so kind

You are so kind
You are so kind
It’s not like the other times

You are so sweet
I don’t know how to treat you right
scared of breaking you

The others were strong
Sexy
Grand

But you
You are genuine
Sweet

The good kind
The loving kind
The marrying kind

I don’t know how to act
How to talk
How to deserve such a sweet creature as you

But maybe it’s time I try
Try to find something worth my time
Someone to take care of me for a change
Someone to be kind to me

Poetry

I once fell in love

I once fell in love
I wrote it all down

I wanted to tell the story
For love is not always forever

It doesn’t have to be pure
It can just be right in the moment

Right for you

 

I wanted to tell you about my feelings
About my sorrows
Not to help you or guide you to salvation

But to tell you it’s okay to cry
Okay to feel lost
That sometimes things don’t work out
That sometimes the thing you want is right in front of you

 

I once fell in love
It was wonderful and splendid
I still remember it like yesterday
But now it’s time to let go

So I collected all our words into this book
To tell the world our story
To tell the world about us