Poetry

Collapsed Universe

I didn’t know how to tell you
So I decided to write it down for you instead

I like you
I really do
But the truth is

I’m scared
Scared of liking you
Scared you might like me back

For what if we fall in love
Will it all happen again
The agony
The hurting

I’ve been loved before
Have someone mean the whole world to them
But then they tore that world down
Before I was ready to say goodbye

So I guess what I’m trying to say is
Be gentle with me
I may come off as strong and independent
But you have to know
I’m only trying to survive
Trying to save myself from yet another dream being torn apart
Another universe collapsing before my eyes

I like you
I know that
I’ve tried to scare the feeling away
But they keep coming back
I’ve tried to run
Replace you with someone else
But you keep popping up everywhere

You like me
I see it in your eyes
The way you look at me
I don’t want to hurt you
Which is why I’m telling you this
For if I can’t be honest with you
If can’t be honest with myself
Then I will never heal

⁃ I want a universe to last

Poetry

Happy

So he makes me happy
What is so wrong with that

So he makes me smile
What is so wrong with that

So he makes me come
Does that mean I should stop

Do I have to be certain of the future
In order to see him in my present
Do I have to know the answer to everything

Isn’t it enough that I feel more alive
Than I have for months

That I look up into the clouds and see the sun
Instead on looking down and seeing darkness

Sometimes it’s as simple as that
It doesn’t have to be complicated
In order to be worth it

Doesn’t have to make you sad
Before you can be happy

⁃ Being with you makes me happy

Karoline's Blog

How to be single

Today I read a great book. A book about being single and how it’s different in every country and culture. That even when you feel alone and lost you must realize that you are not.

This book not only made me cry and laugh, it also inspired me deeply. It gave me insight into the world and made me think about my own life and situation. .

Sometimes we need some perspective to see how great our lives actually are. Or a little push that tells you that whatever you’re dreaming of, actually can come true. You just have to believe in it enough.

I love the idea of writing about people. Interviewing them and figuring out what’s really going on in their quiet minds. Wondering if they feel the same way as me.

I have traveled a lot in my life and learned so much about cultures and people. Maybe it’s time I start to gather all these thoughts into a storyline just as like brilliantly as Liz Tuccillo did in her amazing book ‘How to be single’.

I loved the ups and downs of her characters, how everything seemed authentic yet perfectly plotted and how I absolutely devoted myself to her story. I devoured this book in no time and if you haven’t read it and you are, well, a woman of any age, then I highly suggest you do. Single or not, this books has great lessons to learn and grants you a new perspective on love and life.

Poetry

Feelings

Don’t get any feelings
I told myself as he caressed my hand

Don’t get any feeling
I told myself as we talked about the past
The ups and downs
The memories

Don’t get any feelings
He told me when I wanted to hold his hand
To feel him close to me like I did the night before

Don’t get any feelings
I thought as I laid in bed next to him
Feeling his warm breath on my neck
Thinking about yet another goodbye

Don’t get any feelings I mumbled when I got on the plane
Leaving you behind
Without any feelings

⁃ It didn’t work

Poetry

Infatuation

Do you ever get so infatuated with someone
That even their name turns you on

That even though you know
It will never happen
You can’t help trying
You know the outcome and
It doesn’t look good
But he does

What ever he does
Makes you flinch
Makes you fantasize about touching those fingers
One at the time
Kissing those lips
Soft at first
Then passionately

Saying your name out loud is a new found hobby of mine
I find odd pleasure in pretending I’m yours and you’re mine
Feeling each syllable leave my tongue and fall neatly off my open lips
The lips you close in on
Your eyes lock in mine
You smile and say
“Tell me what you’re thinking about”

You, I think
Always you
But I keep quiet
And simply say my favorite words

– I never knew a name could be my favorite word

Karoline's Blog

Sex and the city in 1999 vs. 2019

These last few days I have been binge-watching season 2 and 3 of the amazing show ‘Sex and The City’. Like every other single-twenty-something-girl, I look at their lives with amazement and hope.
Gosh, it looks like they have a lot of fun.
Gosh, I hope that is not my life in 10 years.

Don’t get me wrong. They are living their best lives. Having the time of their lives.
But to be honest, their lives sure does look like mine right now.

Old boy out, a new boy in, talking about boys, looking for ways to meet cute guys, complaining about boys etc. And as much fun as I’m having with all the boys talk, I’m also looking forward to the part where it will just be me and one boyish man happily ever after.

But I kept noticing little things that definitely changed from 1999 till 2019.
Here they are:

  • Home telephone vs. smartphone

Back in the 90’s cell phones hadn’t quite arrived yet. They were looming somewhere close by, but at the beginning of season 2, the only cell phones they have are the ones plugged into the wall of their house. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE RELIEF?

You’re out, when you’re out, you can’t check your phone every two minutes to see if he replied, you have to call, if you want to talk to people.

Wow. I really miss those times. It seems that the thing I mostly do wrong in a pre-relationship (when I’m crushing hard on someone) is to ruin it with my “phone-timing”. I should explain this made up term “phone timing”.

We all know, when we like someone timing is everything. We have to reply at the perfect time. Not too soon, not too late. As if we have a life, but a life we definitely want him to join.
And to conclude I do not indeed have this special phone timing. When he answers I run to the phone, or try to ignore him for 3 days. Either way, it’s not working for me

One more great thing about home telephones. Let’s not forget the fact that it’s so much easier, to hear how people actually feel, when you’re talking, versus trying to guess if that emoji means that he wants to fuck or if he wants to introduce you to his parents. Just saying.

  • Meet cute vs. tinder

It was raining outside when their eyes met across the street.
He walked slowly towards her without headphones, looking at her, not his smartphone. He smiled awkwardly and said something romantic like do you know where this street is, because he couldn’t “google maps” it. Then he asked for her number, not her Facebook, because he wanted to get to know her over dinner and not stalk her the whole night, then never contact her. It was love at first sight.

How romantic. But really.
I keep wondering HOW and WHERE the hell they meet all these attractive and frisky men.

But today I did a little experiment. I looked up while biking around Copenhagen. And they’re here as well. Just as single and frisky. Just as ready to go. But something changed in the last 20 years.

Headphones: We’re all too busy listening to Fleetwood Mac or a podcast, so approaching someone isn’t cute, it’s just creepy and quite frankly annoying.
Busy: We’re all too damn busy to sit down in a park with a book and just enjoy the day.
Bikes: In Copenhagen we’re all on bikes and it’s not like you’re going to yell after someone, that you think they’re hot, while they’re biking away. I guess you could bike into them and call it a meet-crash?
Trust: We didn’t read about creepy stalkers 24/7. In the 1990’s they might have believed people and their good intentions. But in 2019, we would be quite weirded out, if someone randomly asked us out on a Tuesday.

We wouldn’t recognize a meet-up if it ran into us on the street.

But let’s change that. Let’s start asking strangers out on dates, when we’re sober and standing in random places. Wouldn’t it be so retro and cute? I know you want to!

  • The clothes

Wait, forget about that.

The 90s are back in style 😉

  • Twenties vs. thirties

So what is the big difference between the SATC girls and me and my friends

Twenties:

  1. Still confused about life in general
  2. Not quite sure what you want to do with your life
  3. Still studying
  4. Looking for a steady job
  5. Looking for a place to stay
  6. Trying to decide where to live in this world.
  7. Still falls for stupid boys
  8. Looking for a new steady job because they got bored of the old one

 

Thirties:

  1. Sorta understands life
  2. Have a clear idea of what they want to do with their lives
  3. Might be finished studying
  4. Have a steady job that they like
  5. Have a great place to live and it looks like a home
  6. Know what they want to do in their life
  7. Still falls for stupid boys (somethings never really change)
  8. Continues at the job or gets a better one
  • Friendships

I truly envy the girls and their close friendship. The best part about it is that they only have three close friends and that they all hang out together. If I only had three friends I would be the best friend. Instead, I have 15 “close” friends, whom I try to know everything about and see two times a week. And even if you are not an expert in math, I can tell you that there simply isn’t enough hours and days of the week to make this possible. Sure, I know I should just “cut down”, on some friends. But how do you do that?

I don’t think I am the only one with this problem. People want to have more of everything. More clothes, five cars, twenty friends and three boyfriends, they can switch between whenever they feel like it.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I like that they share every moment of their lives with each other. They are family. They have each other’s backs even when they get into stupid s***. And I think that is the most beautiful relationship of the entire series. That’s the one we should really aim for.

That’s it.

Let me know if you thought of any other points I have missed.
Over and out xoxo

Poetry

Easy

It was so easy
The first date
The first kiss
It all flew past me as if it had all happened in another life

Meeting my friends
Staying over
Was this it
Is this how you fall in love
Without complications
Without issues

The first touch
The first time
Nothing out of the ordinary
Just you and I
As if we had always been
You and I

The toothbrush staying over
The socks on the floor

Is this love?
Is this what everybody is searching for
It feels too easy

Does love have to be hard for it to be worth it
Haven’t I spent enough time with troubled love stories
Enough time trying to figure out
What is going on

Then once I have it easy
I complain

Maybe the easy love is the best love
The one you should search for
Maybe I like the directness of this

Because if it’s real
It doesn’t matter if it came to you
In the hard way
Or the easy way

As long as it found it’s way to you

⁃ This feels good