Blog, Karoline's Blog

What I want for Christmas and what it really means

Hi, everyone and happy early Christmas.
What a beautiful time we’re heading towards and let me just tell you. I can’t wait.

I’m always running late on handing over my wish-list so this year I thought I would fake my “adulthoodness” and finish it before 20th December.

I’m just going to warn you. I started this post off thinking it would be fun and cute. But it’s going to be pretty damn deep. Just warning you, so you can’t say at the end that I totally killed your buzz, cuz I most definitely will. And it will be honest. I’m not even sure if I’m confident enough to actually post it. But I mean I published a whole poetry collection with my deepest diary thoughts about love, so I don’t really think I have anything to hide anymore.

Stuff I want for Christmas:

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1 . A salt and pepper set

This is going to sound sorta sad. But I’ve had the same salt set (I broke the pepper) for 4 years. Ever since I moved away from home actually. I guess I never really thought about me not having a smart handy pepper for my guest. And I always thought my salt was cute and funny. Let me explain. My salt is an ugly ceramic thing I painted on when I was about 8. It has a sun, fish, and clouds on it. And trust me when I say this. I do not have any talents in the drawing area.

What this really means: Maybe it’s time to grow up. I am 24 years old, have a full-time job, but still choose to live like a student. Treat yourself and get a NICE set of salt and pepper. In reality, I’ll prob end up buying a cute panda hugging set, but you know. Small steps and all that!

2. Update to my CD collection

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I collect CDs and I’m proud of that. But is that the truth? I used to collect them and spend a LOT of money on it. Now it’s much easier just putting on Spotify and it’s free. But come on Karoline. It’s your passion. It’s their passion! You should support them(the artists). This may also have something to do with my laziness in trying to find new cool music. The truth is I’ve gotten old and grew and prefer to listen to the same 4 CDs on replay. BORING! Life is about trying new things and finding a new soundtrack to your life. Now go on!

What this really means: Don’t get stuck just because you’re getting older. Sure you know what you like now and have a twisted idea that life is supposed to get boring and full of routines. But who says that has to be true for you. And also buy the CDs otherwise your collection is a shitty one!

3. Personal cleaner and maid, who will fix my life and also make delicious food

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Hmm. That sure sounds nice. Can you imagine never having to clean up your own mess anymore? Not having to cook scrambled egg’s for the fifth time this week, but eat proper food and actually have a plan for the day. Well. I guess Santa can’t really help me with this. This is on me. So just do it. Put on your new CD and get to work. Learn how to make proper food, get into a habit of putting things in their spot right away and perhaps one day you don’t even need a maid.

What this really means: I’m sick of living like a homeless person. JK. No, but really. I need to “adult it up” again and start making smart choices. That means NOT having a bombed room 5/7 days and freaking out about my life. Wait that wasn’t even in there. Guess I just wanted to add it to the list. It might also just mean that I miss my mom.

4. Noah Centineo

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I guess this one is quite obvious. Have you seen him! Gorgeous. But in all seriousness. How many Christmas songs have been written about dreaming of a one night stand. Or fantasizing about the hot guy at the bar, whom you don’t remember the day after. The emotionally unavailable guy who texts you 1-3 times a week depending on his mood. The 45 poses and outfits to get that PERFECT Insta-post, just so he will remember you’re alive. Nope. It’s not all that it’s made out to be. I want the Michael Bublé, Mistletoe, Santa Tell Me -kinda love. The one where you know exactly what to get them for Christmas (not a perfume or cologne, but something so creepily cute and romantic all at the same time). And I wouldn’t mind if that someone happens to be Noah.

What this really means: Do I really have to explain it to you? It’s cold. I’m bored. I want someone whom I actually like, to sit next to me, hold my hand and watch Love Actually three times in a row. That’s the dream.

5. More money for heating

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This can be split into two. I want more money (aka. I want to spend less). I am FREEZING in my apartment. Not quite such a big metaphor but then again kinda. You can make everything into a metaphor. So… Money! Money on my mind. (Hi Sam Smith). I guess we all want this. But I want to find that HUGE black hole where all my money seems to vanish (probably the same place where all the guys I like are hiding). So I want to feel in control and understand my actions ect. ect. And maybe turn up the heating a bit.

What this really means: Stop spending your money on shitty crappy stuff that you don’t need or want. Also, monitor your purchases so you don’t end up feeling bad. Don’t avoid logging into your bank account. The money will be gone either way. Own up to your mistakes and do something about it.

I think that was it for now.

I’ll probably come up with much better wishes later, but here you go. Maybe you’ll get inspired by my great Christmas list!

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Poetry, Written Words

Inspiration

Sometimes inspiration hits you. Like water flowing in the air, hitting your face hard, harsh and heavy.

Waking you up to your true life, where you’re awake and aware.

Cautious of lies and liars walking around freely like criminals in the street.
Walking without a care, chewing gum and grinning.
Smiling because they know they hurt you.

The best thing they’ve done.  The worst thing they’ve done. I believe, I think, I am. But where and how and why.

Million of voices, but only you are there. I don’t know how to make it go away. I just know I have to act when it arrives. Just know I have to do, not not do.

You brought it back. Back to me. Back to life.

I am back. 

Poetry, Written Words

Words…

I love how words can lift me up to the unknown parts of my brain.

I love how they make me tingle and dance in my dreams and belly.

I feel twisted, as if I’ve been twirled around all night by a cute smile.

My heart leaves bigger noises behind than normally.

My hair shines brighter and my mouth feels dry.

I lick my lips and smile knowingly.

I don’t know why, but I just know it.

 

Cloud-like walking on the bare ground, the air feels lighter and smoother.

Words can do all this.

We just have to let them sink in.

Truly read them and not just skim.

Believe and breathe them like a delicious ice creme melting on your fingertips.

Hurry before it’s gone.

Hurry before you give up and throw everything out of sight.

I see you.

I see you through the words you write to me, and the stories they tell between the lines.

About you and only you.

Words are beautiful.

Words are poetry.

We just have to put them together in the correct order.

Like lego pieces.

Millions of colors and shapes, but only one solution.

You found it.

You mesmerized me and made my feet stop and my eyes stare.

Fire and lighting behind me, but I see only the words.

Your words.

Your true self. 

Karoline's Blog, Written Words

My bookshelf

As I take a look at my bookshelf I see numerous hobbies and things that interest me. French language, fairytales, classic literature, film, photography, poetry, hiking, traveling, social media, corny love novels etc. etc. With all these many different thoughts going through my head, no wonder I’m having a hard time figuring out what I want to be.

But that’s the thing. Do we really have to sit down and sign a lease saying we will be doing the same thing for the rest of our lives? Or do we simply have to start at one and then work our way through the rest till we seem semi happy and feel like we can live like that the rest of our lives.

I am a big believer in being specific. Being great at one thing and then knowing everything about that one thing. But let’s just say that a bit hard when you still haven’t gotten to the point where you narrow down to that ONE thing.

After spending my whole summer in Toronto thinking about this I came to realize something. Maybe I don’t have to figure it out right now. Sure I don’t know where I’m going in life etc, but who does? My mom just took another new education in something with needles and meditation and she’s 54. So I think I have plenty of time.

But one thing I noticed was. With all these different hobbies, there is a lot of different knowledge. Knowledge is a thing you can’t buy or fake. you simply have to do the reading or care. So knowing about all these things: unicorns, Peter Pans, Nicholas Sparks Novels (trust me it will come in handy one day) or the history of film. All these things will be useful to me one day, which ever career I end up in.

 

So maybe I should try to worry less and just be happy that I am not sick of the world and all it has to offer. Be happy that I have a curious mind and want to learn it all in half the time that is available to me. Maybe you should be a bit nicer to yourself as well. And just smile.

Karoline's Blog, Written Words

Inspiration presents itself in the stage between sleeping and dreaming

To further your experience while reading this post I recommend:

Listen to: Turn Out The Stars by Aidan Funston –> https://soundcloud.com/aidan-funston/turn-out-the-stars

Drink: Hot milk, so you might be able to fall asleep at one point

– Enjoy

Inspiration presents itself in the stage between sleeping and dreaming… Right when you are about to enter the world of wonder and fantasies. When you are truly free in your mind and not bound by any rules or obstacles. This is when your mind flows free and thoughts run wild. They come faster than you can type and disappears as fast as snow in March. I always think “It can wait for tomorrow” or “Not now I need to sleep”. But no sleep can’t be found if it is not written down on paper. And no waiting will it do, for it is now and only now, that it is as clear as day in my head. Only in this stage will the words burst onto paper, barely even registered in my head, but going straight to my fingers into the computerscreen. Is it good? Is this worth reading? Who knows? But I often find that my best work happens when only my body and spirit has control over it. In the daytime, my brain has too much power. It allows me to doubt myself, to wander and run away to other things and thoughts.

Here in the dead of night, with only myself to distract me, it’s easier to find clarity and focus. To feel and not think. It’s so hard and we always push away the moment if it doesn’t fit into our tight schedule. But creativity and innovative thoughts do not work according to your timetable or your calender. You can’t force yourself to be perfect from 9-11. You can’t force a good idea. It is necessary at times, yes. I’m not saying you have to sit down and wait patiently for that special moment to strike you and then hurry and put a pen to paper. I’m just saying you have to get up and do whatever your soul and spirit tells you to do, when they do. And they won’t leave you alone until you do. That’s the beauty of it. Ignore it long enough and you will start to learn.

The best things happen in the stage between sleeping and dreaming. When you’re not really awake, yet not asleep yet. Right before you enter your special world. Your world where everything is possible and nothing can stop you. The world where you belong, where you should stay, even when you wake up. This is the world I live in day and night. And why shouldn’t I? Why shouldn’t you?