Karoline's Blog

Pictures on Tinder

I have horrible taste in men. I’m just saying. As I sit here, wasting my time away by swipes my finger from side to side, I’ve started to notice a pattern.
We’re all the same.
We judge people based on 2-3 carefully chosen profile pictures and then have an idea what that person is like.
Gosh, it’s tiring.

But I might as well get something useful out of all the millions of hours I have spent thinking the next swipe will be the one.

So here are some typical Tinder pictures (for guys) and what they actually mean:

  • The baby picture

“I promise I don’t have a baby, but now you know I’m capable of holding one and isn’t that damn adorable. Doesn’t that make me more f***able?” Sure… Well done. But if I read ” not my baby” one more time I’m deleting the app (just kidding I need love in my life and this is the only one I can use in my bed, while eating icecream).
And if you do have a baby then please let me know before we go out, so I can put that into my specific love equation that lets me know if we belong together or not.

  • Surfboard
  1. Look at my hot body
  2. Look at my hot body holding this hot surfboard
  3. Imagine me surfing
  4. Are you imagining a hot Australian guy like Chris Hemsworth.
  5. Now close your eyes and think of him while we…

I mean… It’s cool. It’s hot. If you actually know how to work it and don’t fall off, I’m in.

  • Selfie

Please no. All I’m imagining is you, alone, in your room, trying 6 different poses to get that selfie just right… Nah

  • Animals

Here I want to highlight the grant amount of cute doggy and kitty pictures that float around Tinder and other social media love apps. It’s cute. Especially since you KNOW we will give you a like SIMPLY because it would be downright RUDE to turn down such an amazingly cute animal. I have no idea what the guy in the pictures looks like but GOSH you found a cute animal to take a picture with (because most of them aren’t yours anyway)

  • Jumping in front of cool travel spots

Wow, you travel. Welcome to 2018. Everybody’s been to Thailand. Go to the moon and I’ll be impressed. Or better yet go to Wisconsin (no offense to Wisconsin it just has a nice ring to the name and I’m not sure it’s a huge Instagram spot if it is I’m sorry).

  • Musical instruments

Aka. the guitar. Aka. wanna hear me play John Mayer? DO I???!? If you actually play the guitar (like the surfboard) that’s hot. If you’re trying to fake who you are, just don’t. I’ll find out sooner or later anyway.

  • The funny note

Finally! Some personality! I want to know who YOU are, not the Tinder robot you created while dreaming of all the hot girls this profile will get you. Be weird, be sassy, be ironic (again I have to warn you I do tend to have a weird taste in men so this may not apply to you all).

  • The “oh look I wear glasses sometimes” picture

“I can be hot. And sexy. And nerdy. Anything you want.” *****WARNING**** Major fetish reveal coming up… I love glasses. Those big nerdy hipster, spiderman, superman all man glasses. So please don’t think this is a bad thing. Also… you know once the glasses come off…

And last but not least. This is not a picture I know that but gosh. The importance and difference it makes must not to be forgotten…

  • The profile text

YAS! If you can write a good, original, funny, somewhat creepy in a charming way profile text then I am yours. All the previous judgments and assumptions I had about you before. POOF evaporates. Just like that. You must be a BLAST to hang out with and I will do my best to consider it before I after 15 minutes of swiping decide that love is hopeless and I should just buy a cat or a turtle.. Where was I? Oh yeah. If you can catch me in those 15 minutes of love and hope, WOW well done you!

So yeah. I guess that was it for me.
Now I can go back to stare at strangers I will never meet, but perhaps one day will marry. What a great world we live in.

Till next time.

Ps. I have no idea who that guy in the picture is. Is was the first thing to come up when I googled Tinder pictures. Sorry handsome but unknown fellow. This isn’t pointed at you I promise.

Poetry

Meant to be

17 june 2018 8:53

It was meant to be

Written in the stars

that’s what they all say

Before those were just words in a sentence

Before that, was just sounds from a mouth

Suddenly I see the truth in them

Suddenly it seems as if it’s more than just a night

More than just a kiss

I saw you

Looked into your eyes all night

Talked about your family

Asked about my dreams

Our eyes grew tired as the sun came up

Our bodies fit together like a puzzle

No need to push

No need to adjust

It just said click

As I looked into the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen

I started to wonder

Will I see them again

Will I be in those arms once more

I sat down on the bed watching you dress

Hoping it would be true

All the things we said

The promises we made

I hoped it would be a way for the universe to show me

That this was where I was meant to be

Poetry, Written Words

Expectations

Guys want a girl who
drinks beer
watches the match
sings along to the right songs
dresses up
marks their face with the right products
makes love the right way
not too sweet
not too rough

Girls want a guy who
is sensitive
yet manly
wants kids
but not until she wants them
has the right amount of product in their hair
and wears nice clothes
but never better than her
makes love the right way
how she wants it
when she wants it

All these expectations
are impossible

We want a robot
installed for our exact needs
our deepest longings

We keep searching for someone
but when we only look for flaws
that’s all we will find

No one will ever be truly perfect
until you allow yourself
to perceive them as perfect

It’s not about their job
their hair
their eyes
their background
their smile
their ex

It’s about them
their personality
their laughter
their dreams
their presence

If only we stopped expecting everything
then maybe we could be happy
with someone who’s good enough for us
someone who will become perfect for us

We just need to give them a chance