Poetry

Collapsed Universe

I didn’t know how to tell you
So I decided to write it down for you instead

I like you
I really do
But the truth is

I’m scared
Scared of liking you
Scared you might like me back

For what if we fall in love
Will it all happen again
The agony
The hurting

I’ve been loved before
Have someone mean the whole world to them
But then they tore that world down
Before I was ready to say goodbye

So I guess what I’m trying to say is
Be gentle with me
I may come off as strong and fierce
But you have to know
I’m only trying to survive
Trying to save myself from yet another dream being torn apart
Another universe collapsing before my eyes

I like you
I know that
I’ve tried to scare the feeling away
But they keep coming back
I’ve tried to run
Replace you with someone else
But you keep popping up everywhere

You like me
I see it in your eyes
The way you look at me
I don’t want to hurt you
Which is why I’m telling you this
For if I can’t be honest with you
If can’t be honest with myself
Then I will never heal

⁃ I want a universe to last

Karoline's Blog

Spirituality and Astrology

As I spend my third day sick with the flu, I started to get bored. So I finally started listening to the Danish podcast ‘Astropod’. All my friends had been talking about it so I had to see what all the fuzz and buzz was about.

I’ve recently started getting into Astrology and Zodiac signs. I had a friend from Canada visiting me and we soon learned that we are both Aries (yes, if you didn’t guess it yet, I’m an Aries). After she left, I started getting really curious. I had to know more. As an Aries, and a Millenial, I love to hear and learn about myself. I found an old book I had once bought at a fleet market named: “Aries: Love and Friendship”.

Once I started I couldn’t stop. This book explained everything about me so well (scarily well) and it contained all the answers as to how and why my previous relationships ended the way they did.
Suddenly Astrology and Spirituality started popping up everywhere I went. Urban Outfitters had five different books on the subject (obviously), my Tinder date asked about my zodiac sign (weird), cosmopolitan was adding a whole section about it, Years and Years released a whole album dedicated to spirituality and guess what, you can now filter people by their zodiac signs on bumble. It’s a SIGN!!!

Or perhaps just a trend.

I then started to really think about it. Why is this trend coming back, and what will it bring us? 2018 was all about breaking prejudice and green initiatives. I believe 2019, is going to be all about spirituality, finding your inner goddess and matching with dates based on their zodiac signs. Okay okay, I may sound a bit crazy, but you have to remember, that I’ve just listened to an Astrology podcast nonstop for the last six hours.

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(This is from the Years and Years concert from their very spiritual album called Palo Santo. Listen to it NOW and do yourself the favor 🙂 )

Now let’s continue.
I believe the world relies on Astrology because deep down, we need to believe in something. We need to believe, there is some sort of god or force or power, which determines why things happen the way they do. We need an explanation.

Why are we here?
What is the meaning of all this?
Who am I?
What should I do?
Who should I do?

Yes, I truly believe, this also has a great deal to do with love and sex. We all have WAY too many options. Suddenly you can find a husband or wife in Tahiti and just bring them home with them. Or move to Uganda to be with the one you love. Nothing is too extreme. Whereas before, you would most likely find someone cute from the city next to you, have some kids and find a way to be happy.

In a world where we are frightened daily with terror and climate change news, divorce and depression rates and a fear of reaching your full potential, could Astrology be a way out?

As I obsessed over this newfound knowledge, the first thing I did was look up whom I’m most compatible with. Because, who are we kidding? Deep down we all just want to find that special someone, whom we can love and adore for the rest of our lives. People write songs daily about it and I wrote a whole poetry collection about it (commercial break). Love makes the world go round. After figuring out, that my sign is basically doomed in the whole love department (if you’re an Aries, you’ll understand), I started getting curious about my previous relationships. My moon is in Scorpio, so I am quite mysterious and sensitive (at least that what I think I learned from today’s podcast injection)

What did I learn then? I learned a lot about my exes and how our signs intertwined. I learned why they acted the way they did, what I did wrong in the relationships, why we couldn’t be together, what we learned from each other and what to search for in a future partner. It all made sense. I felt smart and liberated. Maybe I wasn’t the problem all along. Maybe this all happened for a reason.

And that is my main point. Like I mentioned, I believe, we all want and need something to believe in. Something to be the reason for all the heartbreaking and confusing choices in our lives. Why we sometimes cry for no reasons at 7 pm on a Tuesday (if you’re a woman, this might also have something to do with your cycle, but I’ll save that for another time).

And it really did help. I believe, we are now in a time, where we don’t want to care so much about all the material things in our lives. How we dress, which lamp we have, which car we drive or who cuts our hair. I believe we will start caring about the relationships we have with people. Being nicer to our friends and colleagues. Developing a deeper and more affectioness relationship with our partner. Understanding the world around us and understand why people act the way they do.

It’s time to look inside and value the beautiful things we all possess. Maybe the Scorpios are a bit mysterious, but that’s what makes them interesting. Sure the Leo roars, but we have to listen to what it’s really trying to say. Aries may be dominant and independent, but maybe they need someone to take care of them once in a while.

Which bring me to this. Three days after I started reading about my sign and whom I’m compatible with, I went on a date. It was a Tinder date, but it didn’t feel like one at all. I felt like I had known him forever, which apparently I had. We had gone to the same school for 1,5 years, without ever noticing one another.
The conversation suddenly stopped and while we both tried to come up with something to say, he suddenly asked. “So what’s your Zodiac sign”. Being an Aries and well me, I truly believe in signs. This was definitely one. “I’m an Aries,” I said, not trying to show my excitement. “So I am” he replied. Oh no… No no no no….

As I mentioned earlier I had just gone through all my exes (there’s a few) and one of them is an Aries. I totally understood why we couldn’t be together. We’re both too headstrong and love to talk. Neither of us would ever bow to the other. I actually said we couldn’t have sex until we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend (I was 17 and heartbroken) and well. It worked. We didn’t have sex, till after we stopped seeing each other 7 months later. Way to go Karo.

So what should I do with this new Aries man in my life? We both laughed at the coincidence. I admitted, that I had just read the book and learned that he knew a thing or two about Astrology as well. This explained, why we had been so loud and kept talking over each other, full of excitement and passion. I almost stopped the thing then and there. Because I wanted so bad, to believe that Astrology could now, be my ultimate guide to life. It might still be. I don’t know when or where he was born, so I can’t figure out his whole sign. But I continued seeing him, even though Astrology told me I shouldn’t. And a month later I’m still seeing him (which in my easily bored Aries type, is very very impressive).

I guess what I’m trying to say is, that I think Astrology is great to some degree. It’s good for us in this time and place, to have something to believe in. We may not go to the extremes like they do in India, where the parents find the perfect partner for their children based on their Zodiac signs, but I believe we might be able to make better decisions in our lives. It might help us understand the people around us better and give a new insight into the world and our problems.

And btw! I know this is sooo mid-2018-ish and I’m not a trendsetter or a first mover, but then again I never said I was. But let’s just say that trends and news takes a little while before it reaches Scandinavia and therefore Denmark. At least I found out about it before it’s worn out. Because we all know that frozen yogurt just doesn’t taste the same when your grandparents are serving it too you. That’s when you know it’s time to let go of that trend.

Be blessed and spiritual till next time.
And please listen to Years and Year’s album Palo Santo and feel sanctified.

 

Karoline's Blog

How to be single

Today I read a great book. A book about being single and how it’s different in every country and culture. That even when you feel alone and lost you must realize that you are not.

This book not only made me cry and laugh, it also inspired me deeply. It gave me insight into the world and made me think about my own life and situation. .

Sometimes we need some perspective to see how great our lives actually are. Or a little push that tells you that whatever you’re dreaming of, actually can come true. You just have to believe in it enough.

I love the idea of writing about people. Interviewing them and figuring out what’s really going on in their quiet minds. Wondering if they feel the same way as me.

I have traveled a lot in my life and learned so much about cultures and people. Maybe it’s time I start to gather all these thoughts into a storyline just as like brilliantly as Liz Tuccillo did in her amazing book ‘How to be single’.

I loved the ups and downs of her characters, how everything seemed authentic yet perfectly plotted and how I absolutely devoted myself to her story. I devoured this book in no time and if you haven’t read it and you are, well, a woman of any age, then I highly suggest you do. Single or not, this books has great lessons to learn and grants you a new perspective on love and life.

Poetry

Feelings

Don’t get any feelings
I told myself as he caressed my hand

Don’t get any feeling
I told myself as we talked about the past
The ups and downs
The memories

Don’t get any feelings
He told me when I wanted to hold his hand
To feel him close to me like I did the night before

Don’t get any feelings
I thought as I laid in bed next to him
Feeling his warm breath on my neck
Thinking about yet another goodbye

Don’t get any feelings I mumbled when I got on the plane
Leaving you behind
Without any feelings

⁃ It didn’t work

Poetry

Easy

It was so easy
The first date
The first kiss
It all flew past me as if it had all happened in another life

Meeting my friends
Staying over
Was this it
Is this how you fall in love
Without complications
Without issues

The first touch
The first time
Nothing out of the ordinary
Just you and I
As if we had always been
You and I

The toothbrush staying over
The socks on the floor

Is this love?
Is this what everybody is searching for
It feels too easy

Does love have to be hard for it to be worth it
Haven’t I spent enough time with troubled love stories
Enough time trying to figure out
What is going on

Then once I have it easy
I complain

Maybe the easy love is the best love
The one you should search for
Maybe I like the directness of this

Because if it’s real
It doesn’t matter if it came to you
In the hard way
Or the easy way

As long as it found it’s way to you

⁃ This feels good

Poetry

Chasing the unreachable

I like the idea of belonging to someone
Have someone to tell my secrets to
Share my worries

I have spent enough time
Chasing the unreachable
Every time I got close
They would move further away

It’s exciting
Exhilarating
And exhausting

So I’m done

With you, I feel comfortable
Close
Clean
As if all my previous mistakes have been washed away
For a new shiny slate

A new story just for me to fuck up

I hope I don’t
I truly hope I don’t let my thoughts and doubts
Get the best of me
They usually do

But wouldn’t it be nice
If just for once
I let someone be nice to me

I let someone treat me well

⁃ I want to deserve you

Poetry

Giggly

How can you make me feel so nervous
Like I’ve got nothing to say
Everything I say sounds silly
Giggly
And childish

I want to make you smile
Make you run away
And never look back

That way I won’t fall in love again
Won’t get disappointed
Won’t have my heart broken again

But what if I didn’t
What if I actually tried
And showed you the real me

Not the pink haired unicorn girly-girl
The vulnerable quiet insecure one
The one I rarely show the world

For it is easier to put on a show
Than allow others to hurt and judge you

Easier playing the fool
Than who we really are

For what if someone see you
And doesn’t like you

⁃ I really don’t want to fuck this up