Karoline's Blog, Written Words

1. august

Kender du det når man er blevet så såret at man gør alt for ikke at falde igen.

Man tør ikke smile sødt, klæde sig flot eller sige frække ting, for hvad hvis det kunne misforstås. Hvad hvis der var en, der så igennem det hele og ville have dig på trods af det. En der var ligeglad, om du ikke turde ryste med røven eller blinke frækt. En der forstod, hvorfor du gemte dig på dit værelse, mens de andre var ude og lege. Hvorfor det at starte virker umuligt, for så dukker det hele op igen. Alle minderne du har gravet ned, kommer frem og minder dig om, hvor dum du var. Ulykkelig og naiv. Intet kan skjule det mere. Vi gemmer os for at glemme, men husker mere end nogensinde.

Hvis vi ikke tør gå ud, går det aldrig væk. Hvis vi ikke åbner døren, er vi lukket inde for evigt. Jeg vil ud igen, men mangler en hånd. Jeg mangler en stemme, der siger det er okay. Siger han vil gribe mig, for han er ikke som dig. Og så må jeg blot stole på det. Lukke øjnene og lade verden ramme mig endnu en gang. Blink og tæl til tre.

 

Translation: 

Do you know that feeling, when you’re been hurt so much, that you’d do anything to prevent yourself from falling.

When you’re scared to give a sweet smile, dress nicely or say sassy things, for what if it could be misunderstood. What if there was someone, who say through everything and wanted you despite of it. Someone who didn’t care if you were scared to shake your ass or blink at strangers. Someone who understood why you were hiding in your room, while the rest were out playing. Why, starting, seems impossible, for then it will all come back to you. All the memories you’ve hidden, will come back and remind you, how stupid you were. Miserable and naive. Nothing can hide it anymore. We’re hiding to forget, but end up remembering it more than ever.

If we don’t dare to step outside, it will never go away. If we don’t open the door, we’re shut inside forever. I want to go out, but need a hand. I need a voice telling me it’s okay. Tells me he will catch me, for he is not like you. And I must simply trust him blindly. Close my eyes and let the world hit me once again. Blink and count to three.