Going into the place, I had forgotten what I was getting into. Where I was going. The bouncers lifts the velvet string that gives me acces to the wonder of this place.
I hand over my jacket to the 18 year old cloak-check girl, wondering how many of the bartenders she has kissed. The music is bouncing from the other room, readying me for the purpose of the night. I look down my dress. A simple high necked flower dress and high plump heels. The kind of clothes, I would wear on a monday, but the heavy load of make-up, makes viewers sure it’s the weekend. My eyelids feel heavy with the 5 layers of black mascara, put on to impress the men in the room.
The doors open up and I walk confidently like a gazelle into the zoo we call a nightclub. My eyes flicker from side to side. I am the princess, he is the prince. Only here are no princes, only loud music and smoke making my eyes cry. There is no sincerity, only shouting words and cheap drinks. We all walk naked with clothes on, trying to steal someones attention, if only for a few hours. We’re all pretending to be something we’re not. Single, a smoker, a dancer, adventurous. We’re all trying on a life, that doesn’t quite fit, but we have to squeeze into it anyway.
I’ve seen this. Believed it. Loved it. Lived it. I was them. My eyes were closed as I kissed a new victim of my empty stare, name to be forgotten in the morning or never heard. Never cared about it, just did it, because it’s part of our normality in this society of alcoholics and social animals. We love to pretend and fake and repeat weekend after weekend.
Is it really that bad? Are we really so miserable. No. We’re numb. We numb ourselves with vodka shots, so we forget the pain we feel deep down. Heartbreak, lonesome, caught in a moment, unhappy. We’re all trying to tell ourselves we’re fine. We all feel free and happy while dancing to the top 20 charts till 4 am.
In the morning we know what we are. We know how we truly feel. But gosh, it just feels so great at that moment in time. That moment when we shake our heads to the rhythm in time with our heartbeats, reminding us we’re alive and happy. Those times when we lock eyes with something real and start to believe again. When we are moved by emotions or actions, that has nothing to do with this moment.
Clubbing is terrible and great. It’s amazing.
You just have to close your eyes and numb your brain.