Sex is great.
Sex is hot.
Sex is fun.
Sex is so many things.
Here are the types of sex I’ve discovered in my 24 years.
- The first time
Nervous, sweaty hands, not sure where to look or where to hold. The first time is always special. Not only the “first” first time, but also the first time with someone new. Madonna really was right when she sang “Like A Virgin”. It can make or break a relationship. Let’s be honest.
Bonus fact: And no, a one-night-stand doesn’t count as a “first time”. It lacks the build-up and anticipation.
- The fast one
You have to be somewhere in 10 minutes, but you simply can’t stop yourself. The excitement is taking over and the ticking clock is turning you on. Nothing like a quickie to brighten up your day. And cheeks. Don’t worry you red face will be back to normal soon. Just cross your fingers, it’s before you enter your grandma’s house.
- The loving one
My favorite. Or actually, wait I’m not sure which one is my favorite. But let me just say… I thought this was only possible with someone you love. But I guess love can be faked for one night, just like sex can be faked forever. The tender looks, soft touches, loooooong foreplay, sweet kisses planted on every inch of your body. And don’t forget the staring into each other’s eyes as if they hold the manuscript to the last Star Wars movie. Or the secrets of the world. Whatever you want to find, it’s right there in your lover’s eyes, which is why it’s impossible for you to look away. Ahh so cute.
- Sex with your ex
It can be fun. It can bring back great memories. But what’s the worst it can bring you other than STD’s. Yes. Feelings. That’s the thing about sex. Or feelings. No matter how far you run, they’re always going to come creeping up on you. Telling you, that you need them. That you won’t be happy without them. Actually, add exes to this metaphor. Anyway, I’m not saying don’t do it. It might make you realize you don’t actually want them anymore or that you do. It’s quite an eye-opening experience. Just guard your heart.
- The sweaty one
Hot-hot-hot sweat, dripping down my back. No need to go to the gym the day after. This is all the workout you need. And might I add a tad bit more fun than the treadmill or spinning class. You’re being thrown around /or throwing them around, whatever you want. The limps get lost. Breathing is closing in. It seems like this night/bed/ morning is never ending and it feels goooood. Remember to have a great soundtrack for these kinds of encounters.
- The last time
Ouch. You know it’s the last time. Either you just broke it off or one of you is leaving the country for (basically) ever. This one hurts. But in a good way. You try to memorize all the little things in your head. (cliché coming) Take mental pictures for a rainy day (Can’t say I didn’t warn you). You grip tightly thinking that it will change faith, but nothing can. It’s a beautiful, tragic mess.
- The one before you say I love you
The words are almost falling out over your lips without you opening them. Your eyes are screaming it, but thankfully it doesn’t count, till you actually say those three little words out loud. It’s a bit more desperate and memorable than just any loving sex. It the big one before the big speech. Who will say it first? Will they say it back? Will this be our last time. Oh god. Too much pressure to handle.
- The one before you break up
It’s in the air. You’ve felt it around. This isn’t going to last long and with long I mean the end of the night. But before you say THOSE words out loud you might as well get something out of it. So you have sex. Not exactly angry sex, or sad sex. Just a raging, agressive, sexy sexy kind of sex. Cuz who cares anymore. You’re going to break it off anyway. It might be the best you ever had, but don’t let that fool you into not breaking up. Just enjoy it while you have it.
- The outdoors one
Uhh. Scary and thrilling. Not the best sex necessarily, but it’ll be great for when you play “Never Have I Ever” with your friends. And it is quite sexy/terrifying thinking you might get caught at any moment. But you do it anyway. Remember that this comes in many different forms. Beach, sand, public toilet, forest, pool, bar table somewhere on a what you thought was an abandoned bar in Cambodia. At least that’s what my friend told me…
- The one night stand
I’ve recently started a study in this particular one. I realized I didn’t have enough facts to talk about it and boy let’s just say we changed that. So now I am a somewhat expect. Proud of it or not, I will claim that title. So these ones vary as well. But one thing is true for all of them. They will never feel as good as when you’re with someone you love.
Now that we got that out of the way, let me just say it can be quite fun, very awkward, super impersonal, empowering and almost romantic. The one night stand can be exactly what you want it to be. It can lead you to hours of self-hate if you let it. Or allow you to write hot steamy novels or sweet loving poetry. You wear the pants in this one.
- The impersonal one
You’ve barely introduced each other before the clothes are off and bam then you’re done. Sure it was nice and all. But not for me. Call me needy, but I quite like the whole personal aspect of sex. But who am I to judge. I’m sure a lot of people prefer this one. Less messy with way fewer feelings. If you don’t have their number, how can you drunk dial them? Right?
- The sex-buddy
Fun. Easy. If there truly are no feelings involved it’s the perfect fit. Best buddies. Best way to blow off steam without getting involved with someone. No meeting the parents. No arguments. Just sex. Untill you know. One of you gets feelings…
Now go out there my young ones.
And enjoy it.
Experience your own types of sex.
I know I will.