Poetry

The words came back

The words came back to me late one night

I was just laying quietly

Listening to the sound of my thoughts and dreams

My fantasies and wonderings

Then out of nowhere I heard a sound

A little bell from the corner of my ear

The sound was closing in like a wave

Hitting me hard

 

The whispering words crawled around my head

Telling me loving words of feelings I didn’t know off

Feelings I had tried to push away

Love

Kiss

Touch

Safe

 

 

Words of poems

Poems of love

I wrote them down for you

So someday I could tell you

Of the night the words returned to me

Poetry

I love making fun of my life

I love making fun of my life

It makes it seem less miserable

If people laugh at my sorrows

That means it’s not really sad

Right?

I love teasing myself in front of others

It makes them feel better about themselves

I joke about my dating life, sex life, general life

It makes it seem better

I love telling people stories

I exaggerate

Pause for drama

And cue signals for each new reaction

I feel like a movie director

I love hating myself

It’s a habit I’ll really truly get over

For who will feel sorry for me

If I don’t tell them how miserable I am

How little self esteem I carry

And how much I need their kind words

I love writing poems

It helps me find my inner voice and true pain

I dig it out and analyze it

It’s so big

So shiny

Then I put it back inside before anybody notices

I love life

I just wish I could

Love me as much

Karoline's Blog, Written Words

#adulting

Adulthood is a funny destination. You never truly know when you have arrive. What age you should be. If you have to come alone, with friends or just show up when you feel ready.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about adulthood. Running towards it. Running away from it. Not really sure how I feel about the term.

When I was younger, adulthood was at 23. When you had your life together, big apartment with your one truly love whom you could travel the world with before you got married and started popping out children.

Here in reality, my 24th birthday is creeping in on me and I’m nowhere near that dream. I was so afraid of getting older that I booked a flight to the “party central” city of Budapest. If I’m not home, it’s not really happening.

I suppose we can’t choose whether or not we grow up. I know plenty of “grownups” with kids and everything, who are by no means “adults”. And that’s okay. But that doesn’t mean we should all run about and praise Peter Pan. There’s some beauty to be held in adulthood. Some excitement to being referred to by this name (yes I just watched Call Me By Your Name, and it’s amazing).

Which is why I want to tell you about my experiences as a tween turned teen turned twenty something turned quarterlife crisis turned adulting turning adult.

We will go far together. We will cry. We will laugh. You will laugh and cry because you see my pain. You feel it too. We will all laugh because of how pathetic we are but it’s okay. We will drink wine and eat garlic bread. And maybe one day… we will grow up and spend our time more wisely than on writing this ….

But for now let’s just stay in this beautiful moment that is #adulting.

See you soon!

Poetry, Written Words

In love with a feeling

I think I was in love with the feeling

The passion

The lust

I liked worrying about someone else

Wondering about them

And spending all my energy on their needs

Sometimes that all we need

An idea

A feeling that reminds you

Reminds you why you hated that feeling

Loved it to pieces

Allowed it to break you apart

I’d do anything for that feeling

Being alive

Blood running through your veins

I’m not sure what is worse

Having it

Or missing the absent of it

But next time I’ll be ready

I’ll welcome it back with open arms

Because then I know I’m alive

And I’m feeling good

Poetry

Dreams

I dream of lying close to you
Feeling your breath on my skin
The feeling of belonging and safety will return to my body

I dream of telling my mom about you
And showing her my affections for you
The last time I miscalculated

I dream of being the one you dream of all through the lonely nights
To be the one you want to hold tight and be yours for the saving

I dream that this dream will not remain a dream but someday turn into reality

I wish so hard that tears are falling from my eyes showing the gods how much I care

Could this be a new muse
Could this be the end of you?
And the return of my old self

Oh how I wish and pray and dream.

I dream this dream will someday come true

Poetry, Written Words

Warmth

I need a warm body to get me through this cold winter
I feel the breeze inside my body and need you to scare it away

Tea no longer helps. It’s artificial warmth and I need the real deal
With you close to my body I will get the necessary heat to stay alive

Tonight it is especially cold
Tonight it is especially lonely
Warmth is not just about the temperature
It’s about the sensation and atmosphere in the room

The electricity between us roasts the room allowing it to kept this pleasant temperature
These sparks set the room on fire without the need of extinguishers.

It’s just us
But its fake
For you are no here
Nobody is except me

Here I lie freezing, dreaming of warmer times
Fantasizing about strange bodies

Hopefully one day soon I won’t need to think these thoughts anymore.

For you will be here warming me up.