Karoline's Blog, Written Words

#adulting

Adulthood is a funny destination. You never truly know when you have arrive. What age you should be. If you have to come alone, with friends or just show up when you feel ready.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about adulthood. Running towards it. Running away from it. Not really sure how I feel about the term.

When I was younger, adulthood was at 23. When you had your life together, big apartment with your one truly love whom you could travel the world with before you got married and started popping out children.

Here in reality, my 24th birthday is creeping in on me and I’m nowhere near that dream. I was so afraid of getting older that I booked a flight to the “party central” city of Budapest. If I’m not home, it’s not really happening.

I suppose we can’t choose whether or not we grow up. I know plenty of “grownups” with kids and everything, who are by no means “adults”. And that’s okay. But that doesn’t mean we should all run about and praise Peter Pan. There’s some beauty to be held in adulthood. Some excitement to being referred to by this name (yes I just watched Call Me By Your Name, and it’s amazing).

Which is why I want to tell you about my experiences as a tween turned teen turned twenty something turned quarterlife crisis turned adulting turning adult.

We will go far together. We will cry. We will laugh. You will laugh and cry because you see my pain. You feel it too. We will all laugh because of how pathetic we are but it’s okay. We will drink wine and eat garlic bread. And maybe one day… we will grow up and spend our time more wisely than on writing this ….

But for now let’s just stay in this beautiful moment that is #adulting.

See you soon!

Poetry, Written Words

In love with a feeling

I think I was in love with the feeling

The passion

The lust

I liked worrying about someone else

Wondering about them

And spending all my energy on their needs

Sometimes that all we need

An idea

A feeling that reminds you

Reminds you why you hated that feeling

Loved it to pieces

Allowed it to break you apart

I’d do anything for that feeling

Being alive

Blood running through your veins

I’m not sure what is worse

Having it

Or missing the absent of it

But next time I’ll be ready

I’ll welcome it back with open arms

Because then I know I’m alive

And I’m feeling good

Poetry, Written Words

Warmth

I need a warm body to get me through this cold winter
I feel the breeze inside my body and need you to scare it away

Tea no longer helps. It’s artificial warmth and I need the real deal
With you close to my body I will get the necessary heat to stay alive

Tonight it is especially cold
Tonight it is especially lonely
Warmth is not just about the temperature
It’s about the sensation and atmosphere in the room

The electricity between us roasts the room allowing it to kept this pleasant temperature
These sparks set the room on fire without the need of extinguishers.

It’s just us
But its fake
For you are no here
Nobody is except me

Here I lie freezing, dreaming of warmer times
Fantasizing about strange bodies

Hopefully one day soon I won’t need to think these thoughts anymore.

For you will be here warming me up.

Poetry, Written Words

Bingewatching

We watch to escape
Watch to forget
Our problems disappear as they fill us up with hopes and dreams.
All these stories help me forget mine
Forget how wrong it all felt before I started

I want to get lost
Get sucked into their world
Far away from my own
Their lives are better
Prettier
Nastier

I prefer it that way
It makes me feel so small
Like all my thoughts were stupid
And that I should take life for granted

For what if
But it isn’t so I shouldn’t need to escape for 7 hours without stops just rolling and rolling
Letting the screen fill me up with longings and laughers that aren’t my own
They’re fake for I am not there with them

I am alone
My problems stay
My life is the same in the morning
You can’t run away from the stuff you don’t want to face
But it just feels so good
And once in a while it’s okay

It’s okay to escape

Poetry, Written Words

Expectations

Guys want a girl who
drinks beer
watches the match
sings along to the right songs
dresses up
marks their face with the right products
makes love the right way
not too sweet
not too rough

Girls want a guy who
is sensitive
yet manly
wants kids
but not until she wants them
has the right amount of product in their hair
and wears nice clothes
but never better than her
makes love the right way
how she wants it
when she wants it

All these expectations
are impossible

We want a robot
installed for our exact needs
our deepest longings

We keep searching for someone
but when we only look for flaws
that’s all we will find

No one will ever be truly perfect
until you allow yourself
to perceive them as perfect

It’s not about their job
their hair
their eyes
their background
their smile
their ex

It’s about them
their personality
their laughter
their dreams
their presence

If only we stopped expecting everything
then maybe we could be happy
with someone who’s good enough for us
someone who will become perfect for us

We just need to give them a chance

Poetry, Written Words

Brothers

A brother is one you share with
one you care for
A love so deep nothing can replace it

My love for you is different yet the same
For one I feel gratitude
Gratitude for always being there for me
Holding me when I’m down
Catching my tears

One call and you’re there

For others, it’s when they tell me about their hobby
When they share their deepest secrets
And show me they find comfort in me
That they believe in me

I want the best for them but nothing will ever be enough

Brothers are there to tease you
Trouble you
And push you

That’s how you grow strong
How you get tough 

Brothers are there to show you love
To show you compassion
And show you selflessness

You will do anything for them
You will drop everything for them
For you know they would do the same for you

For me, it’s a four timed love
A love so strong no other person can break it

For me, it’s a strong, helpful life-enjoyer
An ambitious, hardworking fighter
A sensitive, passionate team player
A loyal, compassionate friend.

For me, it’s a tie no one can loosen

I can’t wait to see you become a father
Become a groom
Become a man
Become you 

And you know I will be there with you
Every step of the way
Every song of the album
Every day of the year