Karoline's Blog

Pictures on Tinder

I have horrible taste in men. I’m just saying. As I sit here, wasting my time away by swipes my finger from side to side, I’ve started to notice a pattern.
We’re all the same.
We judge people based on 2-3 carefully chosen profile pictures and then have an idea what that person is like.
Gosh, it’s tiring.

But I might as well get something useful out of all the millions of hours I have spent thinking the next swipe will be the one.

So here are some typical Tinder pictures (for guys) and what they actually mean:

  • The baby picture

“I promise I don’t have a baby, but now you know I’m capable of holding one and isn’t that damn adorable. Doesn’t that make me more f***able?” Sure… Well done. But if I read ” not my baby” one more time I’m deleting the app (just kidding I need love in my life and this is the only one I can use in my bed, while eating icecream).
And if you do have a baby then please let me know before we go out, so I can put that into my specific love equation that lets me know if we belong together or not.

  • Surfboard
  1. Look at my hot body
  2. Look at my hot body holding this hot surfboard
  3. Imagine me surfing
  4. Are you imagining a hot Australian guy like Chris Hemsworth.
  5. Now close your eyes and think of him while we…

I mean… It’s cool. It’s hot. If you actually know how to work it and don’t fall off, I’m in.

  • Selfie

Please no. All I’m imagining is you, alone, in your room, trying 6 different poses to get that selfie just right… Nah

  • Animals

Here I want to highlight the grant amount of cute doggy and kitty pictures that float around Tinder and other social media love apps. It’s cute. Especially since you KNOW we will give you a like SIMPLY because it would be downright RUDE to turn down such an amazingly cute animal. I have no idea what the guy in the pictures looks like but GOSH you found a cute animal to take a picture with (because most of them aren’t yours anyway)

  • Jumping in front of cool travel spots

Wow, you travel. Welcome to 2018. Everybody’s been to Thailand. Go to the moon and I’ll be impressed. Or better yet go to Wisconsin (no offense to Wisconsin it just has a nice ring to the name and I’m not sure it’s a huge Instagram spot if it is I’m sorry).

  • Musical instruments

Aka. the guitar. Aka. wanna hear me play John Mayer? DO I???!? If you actually play the guitar (like the surfboard) that’s hot. If you’re trying to fake who you are, just don’t. I’ll find out sooner or later anyway.

  • The funny note

Finally! Some personality! I want to know who YOU are, not the Tinder robot you created while dreaming of all the hot girls this profile will get you. Be weird, be sassy, be ironic (again I have to warn you I do tend to have a weird taste in men so this may not apply to you all).

  • The “oh look I wear glasses sometimes” picture

“I can be hot. And sexy. And nerdy. Anything you want.” *****WARNING**** Major fetish reveal coming up… I love glasses. Those big nerdy hipster, spiderman, superman all man glasses. So please don’t think this is a bad thing. Also… you know once the glasses come off…

And last but not least. This is not a picture I know that but gosh. The importance and difference it makes must not to be forgotten…

  • The profile text

YAS! If you can write a good, original, funny, somewhat creepy in a charming way profile text then I am yours. All the previous judgments and assumptions I had about you before. POOF evaporates. Just like that. You must be a BLAST to hang out with and I will do my best to consider it before I after 15 minutes of swiping decide that love is hopeless and I should just buy a cat or a turtle.. Where was I? Oh yeah. If you can catch me in those 15 minutes of love and hope, WOW well done you!

So yeah. I guess that was it for me.
Now I can go back to stare at strangers I will never meet, but perhaps one day will marry. What a great world we live in.

Till next time.

Ps. I have no idea who that guy in the picture is. Is was the first thing to come up when I googled Tinder pictures. Sorry handsome but unknown fellow. This isn’t pointed at you I promise.

Funny, Karoline's Blog, Written Words

Roskilde Festival 2014 vs 2018

HVAD SÅ ROSKILDEEEEE!!!!

Ja tak. Så er jeg kommet hjem fra en vild og voldsom uge på Roskilde.
Meen? Var det ligeså fedt og voldsomt som da jeg sidste gang var afsted i 2014.
Har jeg ændret mig eller har festivalen.
Let’s dive in.

– Tøjet

2014: Måske var jeg bare klam men jeg husker det som om ALLE tog deres grimmeste tøj på og stank som jeg ved ikke hvad hele ugen. Bad var ikke meget omtalt og to i løbet af ugen var rigeligt. Man havde ironiske bøllehatte på (inden de blev seje), morfars gamle striktrøje og smadret H&M tøj på man kunne kyle ud efter. Men det var okay. For vi var fælles om det. Bæltetasken var praktisk og havde en formål (ikke få dine ting stjålet). Den var ikke en del af et sæt.

2018: Wow, wow wow. Hvilket modeshow. Hvilket rent hår. Hvilken duft (sådan næsten da). Jeg var overrasket over hvor godt folk så ud. Planlagte outfits, deres pæneste kjoler klemt ned i rygsækken og solbrillen på plads. Intet var tilfældigt. Hvilket er lidt ærgeligt. Vi kan altid se godt ud. Er det ikke fedt at være grim bare en enkelt uge om året 😉

– Mobiler

2014: Smartphones var der, selvfølgelig var de det. Men jeg husker dem slet ikke (måske forbi jeg ikke havde en). De var ikke tilstede. Folk efterlod dem derhjemme i frygt for at de blev nappet. Man fandt sin gamle Nokia 6210 frem og løb op til opladerstanden hver anden dag for at få den opladt over natten. “Men hvad så hvis folk ville have fat på dig” tænker du? Surt show, de måtte vente. Og man måtte pænt skrive tilbage “Sorry den var til opladning”. Man var fri. Mere villig til at møde nye mennesker, spørge om ting, være i nuet. Men det er vist en længere samtale.

2018: Smartphones alle vegne. De bedste instaposes, de sjoveste stories, stirren i mobilen, afhængigheden, akavetheden reddet pga. den sorte skærm foran dig. Øv. Der røg lidt af fællesskabet. Man kan jo ikke leve uden den efterhånden. Derfor kom Volt. Så du kan få en ny opladt powerbank en gang i døgnet så du ALDRIG skal opleve den rædselsfulde oplevelse at gå hen til en person, kigge dem i øjnene, og spørge om vej til Arena. For du har din app. Du har dit google maps. Du har Tinder så kærligheden i virkeligheden er også overvurderet. Du skal tjekke likes. Osv. osv. Ikke at jeg er imod smartphones eller noget…

 

– Alderen

2014: Let’s be real. Jeg var naturligvis yngre i 2014. Lige blevet student, ankom fuld, uden stemme og klar til at fyre den af. 20 år, single og ready to mingle. Intet kunne stoppe mig. Man drak sig bare ned hver aften for så sov man hurtigere og tømmermænd var ikke et begreb jeg kendte til. Tror endda det var det år jeg blev gift med en nordmand. Men det er en anden historie.

2018: 24 år. Fuldtidsarbejde, relativt mere fornuftig, tidligt i seng for at være klar til næste dag. Disse er ting jeg er stolte af, men bestemt ikke ord jeg forbandt med Roskilde Festival. Men dette år var det sandt. Jeg sagde glædeligt ja til at arbejde 7 ud af festivalens 8 dage i 7,5 time om dagen. Men når man stadig er 24 år, single og alt det der, så vil man stadig gerne nyde det. Og det var der også tid til.

Men kan vi lige snakke om hvor unge folk er. Der er jo 17-årige piger i bikini der spiller fodbold i sæbevand… Nu lyder jeg gammel, det ved jeg godt. Men min søde fremtidige datter skal bestemt ikke på Roskilde som 17 år. Især ikke når jeg tænker på mit første år på Roskilde som 17 år… Siger det bare… Ikke de bedste beslutninger der blev truffet der.

Men i år var jeg fornuftig. Og træt. Åh så træt hver aften. Jeg frøs. Og blev ædru og ville hjem og sove i min eget rene telt i mediecampen hvor der var stille. Men det er fint. Vi bliver alle gamle og vi kan ikke blive ved med at drikke hjernen ud og løbet forvirret rundt med en ølpong i den ene hånd og toiletpapir i den anden mens man desperat leder efter et toilet eller sine venner eller sin bøllehat eller hvad hulen man ellers lavede dengang var man 17-20 år. Åh det var tider.

 

-Mad

2014: Pesto, rugbrød, minut-nudler, mere pesto. Sådan der. Ugen er reddet. Alle ved jo at en 3 kroners minut-nudler virkelig ligger en god solid bund inden man drikker 24 øl.

2018: Dixieburger, kylling i Karry, uhh har du hørt om det der sushi sted. Sagde du 108 kr for en ris-ret. Ja okay så pyt…. Av av av. Maden er dyr på Roskilde. Men jeg kan simpelthent ikke længere orke at slæbe dåsemakrel osv med på Roskilde. Men så er det jo godt der rent faktisk er et super godt udvalg hele ugen. Ærligt, det er nok det mest rigtige mad jeg har fået på en uge hele året.

 

 

Jeg tror det vi sammen kan konstatere er, at måske er det ikke så meget Roskilde Festival der har ændret sig. Måske er det bare mig der har gennemgået den ting som Peter Pan frygter mest. Adulthood… Just kidding, er der ikke helt endnu, men jeg nærmer mig og det tror jeg nu også er helt okay. Vi kan ikke alle leve af spand i en uge og tro det ikke har nogen konsekvenser. Det har det nok ikke, men måske ikke gør det hver uge alligevel.

Men lad mig slutte af med at sige. Wow Roskilde Festival er et fantastisk sted. Fantastisk stemning. Fantastiske mennesker. Og det er ligemeget om de nu har flottere tøj på, spiser rigtigt mad og poserer til Instagram. Vi er stadig fælles om det.

Till next year.

 

 

Karoline's Blog

Demands for future lovers

When I was younger, finding a boyfriend was so easy.

He just had to be cute and popular. Make me laugh and like my friends.
Lately, it seems like a different story. As if there are too many factors and demands to think about. Too many checkboxes to check off before you will even consider dating that person.

Here are the new considerations I have when deciding if I like someone or not (which is also stupid seeing that you can’t choose who you like. It just happens. But when you’re single and bored this is what you do. Consider everyone you see or know)

  1. Last name. I never thought about this. But I obviously want my future husband to have a beautiful last name that goes well with my name as well. I can’t be called Karoline Kooler Karlsen or something weird like that. The initials just don’t really have a nice tone…
  2. Children. Does he want them? When does he want them? If he’s much older than me, he prob wants them waaay sooner than I. I’m “only” 24″ so still have a few years before I want to start considering that. But if he’s 30, I’d worry it’s on his mind NOW. But then again if he’s much younger I’d have to wait TOO long.. Gosh.
  3. Age. Which made me think of age. I want someone I can talk about my childhood with, but also want him to be mature and have an adult job. So a bit older than me.
  4. Job. Jobs weren’t even really a subject when we were younger. If he worked at the cinema it was a plus cuz then you could get free popcorn. Now it’s more complicated than that. I have a tendency to fall for creative types. Aka. unemployed boys. Not men. Not suit-owning, let me treat you, let’s go to Paris kind of guys. I don’t care if they’re crazy rich, that’s not it. But I want the freedom to be able to do what we want to do. I have my own money, and I want him to know how to handle his money as well. This seems like quite a big subject lately.
  5. Family. I love my family. I want my family to love my future husband. I want my future husband to love my family. I want us all to be ONE BIG FAMILY. You get me. Right?
  6. Timing. Gosh… If my best friend has a baby in two years, then I need to have a baby in two years cuz those kids have to either be best friends or get married. It’s all about timing. My kids have to play with my brother’s kids so we have to time that as well. I know we can’t choose when to fall in love and all that, but gosh wouldn’t that be nice.
  7. Hobbies. This is a hard one. Opposites attract and all that. But what if he likes pop and I like heavy metal (killing stereotypes and all that. It’s very inn in 2018). What if he wants to watch action movies and I love musicals. He hates traveling and I can’t breathe without it. Some things are just hard to choose and live without. We have to time them just right, so we like some of the same things, but aren’t the EXACT same person.
  8. Country. Where should we live? Where does he live? Where do we want to work? Should we move around? Stay grounded? Get bored? I don’t even know where I’m heading with this one. I guess I just have a slight feeling I’ll end up with someone from another country (really Karoline what makes you think that. Maybe the fact that you haven’t dated a Danish guy since you were 17).
  9. Way of life. Is he a morning person? Super fit and will blame me and my Nutella obsession (then I obviously won’t marry him but you get it). Is he cheap or does he spend all his money on stupid things? Will he force me to throw out all my CD’s….. Please don’t…!
  10. I guess the thing is. Will we fit well in the long run? Will we be able to make each other happy? Laugh every day. Be able to be good parents while still remembering to love each other. Be able to grow up and get wrinkly and still look into those eyes and think of that special day when we swiped right. Or locked eyes in the metro. Or bumped into each other drunk at a music festival.

I suppose all these thoughts keep running through my brain which makes the first date quite stressed. I know you can’t know till you know. That I don’t have to meet the one right now and I can just have fun and meet him when the time is right.

But am I the only one who has these thoughts. The only one who considers every single thing about a guy before I allow my heart to fall hard. For if it’s not right, not perfect, is it even worth it?
Yes. Yes, it is. Each person leads us closer to the right one.
Hopefully one day I’ll find someone whom I can check all the important boxes. Not in a perfect way. But in the way that’s perfect for us.

Karoline's Blog, Written Words

#adulting

Adulthood is a funny destination. You never truly know when you have arrive. What age you should be. If you have to come alone, with friends or just show up when you feel ready.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about adulthood. Running towards it. Running away from it. Not really sure how I feel about the term.

When I was younger, adulthood was at 23. When you had your life together, big apartment with your one truly love whom you could travel the world with before you got married and started popping out children.

Here in reality, my 24th birthday is creeping in on me and I’m nowhere near that dream. I was so afraid of getting older that I booked a flight to the “party central” city of Budapest. If I’m not home, it’s not really happening.

I suppose we can’t choose whether or not we grow up. I know plenty of “grownups” with kids and everything, who are by no means “adults”. And that’s okay. But that doesn’t mean we should all run about and praise Peter Pan. There’s some beauty to be held in adulthood. Some excitement to being referred to by this name (yes I just watched Call Me By Your Name, and it’s amazing).

Which is why I want to tell you about my experiences as a tween turned teen turned twenty something turned quarterlife crisis turned adulting turning adult.

We will go far together. We will cry. We will laugh. You will laugh and cry because you see my pain. You feel it too. We will all laugh because of how pathetic we are but it’s okay. We will drink wine and eat garlic bread. And maybe one day… we will grow up and spend our time more wisely than on writing this ….

But for now let’s just stay in this beautiful moment that is #adulting.

See you soon!

Karoline's Blog, Written Words

Hvorfor snakker vi ikke om mig?

“Hvorfor snakket vi ikke om mig” af Flæs på Teatret Ved Sorte Hest er et af de mest ægte og spot on stykker jeg længe har set!

Med skuespillerne Mette Søndergaard Nielsen og Sofie Lund Kaufmanas som de eneste på scenen, fremstiller de vores virkelige jeg som satiriske karakter vi alle kan grine af og nikke genkendende til. De fortæller os sandheden om vores forfærdelige selvcentreret hverdag. Deres observationer sætter spørgsmålstegn ved hele vores væremåde i hverdagen og får en til at tænke en ekstra gang over vores opførsel!

Stykket har kun 2 skuespillere som gør det absolut vidunderligt! Det handler om vores generation eller bare vores hverdag og hvor meget lort vi egentlig lukker ud og hvor lidt vi tænker over konsekvenserne. Stykket fangede alle de rette elementer og var simpelhent spot on!

Vi lytter for at svare
Vi taler konstant for at få opmærksomhed.
Vi tænker slet ikke og lukker alt ud vi kan få lov til.

“Hej mor, kan jeg lide hummus? Giv mig et kald”

Et af deres sketchers går på den måde vi piger snakker til hinanden. “Er du stoppet i fitness?” “Har du fået et job endnu!” Vi spørger ikke længere ud fra interesse, men derimod for at se hvor meget bedre vi er end de andre. For at bekræfte, at vi har mere styr på livet end dem, er tyndere eller lykkeligere. Vi bruger ikke tid med vores venner fordi vi kan lide det, men derimod fordi vi føler vi burde. For hvis man er alene er man ensom. Det er sådan vi er opdraget.

Inden showet startede sad jeg og observerede publikum. Foran mig sad tre venner der ihærdigt forsøgte at tage det perfekte selfie til Instagram. Det gik tydeligvis ikke så godt for telefonen gik på tur for at finde den helt rigtige vinkel. I deres ivrighed efter at få billedet, var de ved at slå den udstrakte arm ind i menneskerne foran. “Mig mig mig”. Med et spejl konstant foran os, er det klar at det er alt vi ser.

“Hej mor, burde jeg lave spagetti i aften? Ring til mig!”

Vi griner af sandheden og genkendeligheden. Vi peger på vores venner og udråber “omg det er så meget dig HAHAHA”. Men er det ikke trist? At vi er blevet en generation der ikke kan se ud over vores egen næsetip. At vi ikke kan glæde andre mennesker uden at ville dele det til Gud og hver en mand. “Se jeg købte en gave til hende, se jeg passer mine brødre, se jeg har lavet mad.”

Jeg peger ikke fingre, for jeg er ikke en dag bedre. For her sidder jeg og skriver om MIN oplevelse og får mig selv til at fremstå utrolig kulturel og opmærksom. Næ nej. Jeg er et barn af den sorte selfie sky med Snap, Insta og Face. Holder altid alle opdateret på mig. Men hey hvorfor snakker vi nu om mig? Det skulle jo handle om stykket.

En af de bedste sketches var Facebook fødselsdagen. Vi kender det alle. Hilsenerne ruller ind hele dagen og så er det pludselig slut. 100 hilsener ud af 1300 venner! Hva’ f***??? Vi er ligeglade med andres fødselsdage. Indtil det er vores egen. “Hvordan kunne du glemme den! Du ved det er 3 dage før Sofies og 7 dage efter Peters!!”

Jeg vil ikke røbe hele showet her, men jeg håber virkelig det vil blive forlænget for jeg føler det er et must for alle at se dette show og nikke genkendende. Grine af de falske samtaler vi har og konkurrencer vi holder ubevidst med vores såkaldte venner. Alle de små ting vi siger for at få os selv til at se bedre ud foran andre. Vi kravler op på toppen af menneskerne for at få mest muligt lys på os og glemmer at kigge ned.

“Mig, mig, mig”.

Jeg tror ihvertfald at det har bekræftet min tanke om hvor vi er på vej hen. Og jeg bryder mig ikke om det. Læg mærke til hvor mange gange jeg nævnte migselv i de sætninger… skræmmende. Så måske burde vi prøve at tale med folk som i gamle dage og rent faktisk bryde os om vores venner og ikke bare have dem for at få et godt selfie til Insta. Vi har jo alle brug for en fotograf når vi står ved en flot udsigt….

Karoline's Blog, Written Words

I need a scratch map of the countries I’ve kissed

I have a things for foreigners. It’s a thing. It’s a fact. Let’s not dwell on it and start calling each other names. I know I’m not the only one. I just really don’t see what’s so special or fun about being with someone from your own country. I mean, they look like you, grew up like yo and know the same cultural references and traditions as you.

Nah, not for me. I like a little action. A bit excitement. Someone who can surprise me and say stuff like: “No we don’t use Christmas trees for Christmas haha. We use this plant.” See, that would be fun! I could learn something new about the world and broaden my horizon.

I absolutely love talking about Denmark. Everybody who’s met me while I’m abroad would know this. And deep down I think people like to hear about our silly popstars and weird food fetishes. Maybe they don’t, but I love telling them about it anyway. And I get so fascinated to hear someone else talk with such passion about their home country. So why shouldn’t I find someone to tell me about it.

So what is it about these foreigners lips that draw me closer to them each and every time. Is it the accent? The language? The looks? Who knows.

If we’re being really honest, it might just be because they’re far away and I know it won’t last for long. That way I can’t get my heart broken… Just kidding. It will happen either way.  It might even be worse this way.
Side note: A positive thing is that you’ll never bump into him while drunk or on your way home from the gym, because he’s so far away. And isn’t that a great thing!

I know I’ll end up with someone from another country. It’s going to be difficult and stupid but I have a feeling that’s how it’ll be. And I can’t do anything about it.

 

 

 

Karoline's Blog, Written Words

Clubbing frees your soul

Going into the place, I had forgotten what I was getting into. Where I was going. The bouncers lifts the velvet string that gives me acces to the wonder of this place.

I hand over my jacket to the 18 year old cloak-check girl, wondering how many of the bartenders she has kissed. The music is bouncing from the other room, readying me for the purpose of the night. I look down my dress. A simple high necked flower dress and high plump heels. The kind of clothes, I would wear on a monday, but the heavy load of make-up, makes viewers sure it’s the weekend. My eyelids feel heavy with the 5 layers of black mascara, put on to impress the men in the room.

The doors open up and I walk confidently like a gazelle into the zoo we call a nightclub.  My eyes flicker from side to side. I am the princess, he is the prince. Only here are no princes, only loud music and smoke making my eyes cry. There is no sincerity, only shouting words and cheap drinks. We all walk naked with clothes on, trying to steal someones attention, if only for a few hours. We’re all pretending to be something we’re not. Single, a smoker, a dancer, adventurous. We’re all trying on a life, that doesn’t quite fit, but we have to squeeze into it anyway.

I’ve seen this. Believed it. Loved it. Lived it. I was them. My eyes were closed as I kissed a new victim of my empty stare, name to be forgotten in the morning or never heard. Never cared about it, just did it, because it’s part of our normality in this society of alcoholics and social animals. We love to pretend and fake and repeat weekend after weekend.

Is it really that bad? Are we really so miserable. No. We’re numb. We numb ourselves with vodka shots, so we forget the pain we feel deep down. Heartbreak, lonesome, caught in a moment, unhappy. We’re all trying to tell ourselves we’re fine. We all feel free and happy while dancing to the top 20 charts till 4 am.
In the morning we know what we are. We know how we truly feel. But gosh, it just feels so great at that moment in time. That moment when we shake our heads to the rhythm in time with our heartbeats, reminding us we’re alive and happy. Those times when we lock eyes with something real and start to believe again. When we are moved by emotions or actions, that has nothing to do with this moment.

Clubbing is terrible and great. It’s amazing.

You just have to close your eyes and numb your brain.