Poetry

Collapsed Universe

I didn’t know how to tell you
So I decided to write it down for you instead

I like you
I really do
But the truth is

I’m scared
Scared of liking you
Scared you might like me back

For what if we fall in love
Will it all happen again
The agony
The hurting

I’ve been loved before
Have someone mean the whole world to them
But then they tore that world down
Before I was ready to say goodbye

So I guess what I’m trying to say is
Be gentle with me
I may come off as strong and fierce
But you have to know
I’m only trying to survive
Trying to save myself from yet another dream being torn apart
Another universe collapsing before my eyes

I like you
I know that
I’ve tried to scare the feeling away
But they keep coming back
I’ve tried to run
Replace you with someone else
But you keep popping up everywhere

You like me
I see it in your eyes
The way you look at me
I don’t want to hurt you
Which is why I’m telling you this
For if I can’t be honest with you
If can’t be honest with myself
Then I will never heal

⁃ I want a universe to last

Poetry

Happy

So he makes me happy
What is so wrong with that

So he makes me smile
What is so wrong with that

So he makes me come
Does that mean I should stop

Do I have to be certain of the future
In order to see him in my present
Do I have to know the answer to everything

Isn’t it enough that I feel more alive
Than I have for months

That I look up into the clouds and see the sun
Instead on looking down and seeing darkness

Sometimes it’s as simple as that
It doesn’t have to be complicated
In order to be worth it

Doesn’t have to make you sad
Before you can be happy

⁃ Being with you makes me happy

Karoline's Blog

Spirituality and Astrology

As I spend my third day sick with the flu, I started to get bored. So I finally started listening to the Danish podcast ‘Astropod’. All my friends had been talking about it so I had to see what all the fuzz and buzz was about.

I’ve recently started getting into Astrology and Zodiac signs. I had a friend from Canada visiting me and we soon learned that we are both Aries (yes, if you didn’t guess it yet, I’m an Aries). After she left, I started getting really curious. I had to know more. As an Aries, and a Millenial, I love to hear and learn about myself. I found an old book I had once bought at a fleet market named: “Aries: Love and Friendship”.

Once I started I couldn’t stop. This book explained everything about me so well (scarily well) and it contained all the answers as to how and why my previous relationships ended the way they did.
Suddenly Astrology and Spirituality started popping up everywhere I went. Urban Outfitters had five different books on the subject (obviously), my Tinder date asked about my zodiac sign (weird), cosmopolitan was adding a whole section about it, Years and Years released a whole album dedicated to spirituality and guess what, you can now filter people by their zodiac signs on bumble. It’s a SIGN!!!

Or perhaps just a trend.

I then started to really think about it. Why is this trend coming back, and what will it bring us? 2018 was all about breaking prejudice and green initiatives. I believe 2019, is going to be all about spirituality, finding your inner goddess and matching with dates based on their zodiac signs. Okay okay, I may sound a bit crazy, but you have to remember, that I’ve just listened to an Astrology podcast nonstop for the last six hours.

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(This is from the Years and Years concert from their very spiritual album called Palo Santo. Listen to it NOW and do yourself the favor 🙂 )

Now let’s continue.
I believe the world relies on Astrology because deep down, we need to believe in something. We need to believe, there is some sort of god or force or power, which determines why things happen the way they do. We need an explanation.

Why are we here?
What is the meaning of all this?
Who am I?
What should I do?
Who should I do?

Yes, I truly believe, this also has a great deal to do with love and sex. We all have WAY too many options. Suddenly you can find a husband or wife in Tahiti and just bring them home with them. Or move to Uganda to be with the one you love. Nothing is too extreme. Whereas before, you would most likely find someone cute from the city next to you, have some kids and find a way to be happy.

In a world where we are frightened daily with terror and climate change news, divorce and depression rates and a fear of reaching your full potential, could Astrology be a way out?

As I obsessed over this newfound knowledge, the first thing I did was look up whom I’m most compatible with. Because, who are we kidding? Deep down we all just want to find that special someone, whom we can love and adore for the rest of our lives. People write songs daily about it and I wrote a whole poetry collection about it (commercial break). Love makes the world go round. After figuring out, that my sign is basically doomed in the whole love department (if you’re an Aries, you’ll understand), I started getting curious about my previous relationships. My moon is in Scorpio, so I am quite mysterious and sensitive (at least that what I think I learned from today’s podcast injection)

What did I learn then? I learned a lot about my exes and how our signs intertwined. I learned why they acted the way they did, what I did wrong in the relationships, why we couldn’t be together, what we learned from each other and what to search for in a future partner. It all made sense. I felt smart and liberated. Maybe I wasn’t the problem all along. Maybe this all happened for a reason.

And that is my main point. Like I mentioned, I believe, we all want and need something to believe in. Something to be the reason for all the heartbreaking and confusing choices in our lives. Why we sometimes cry for no reasons at 7 pm on a Tuesday (if you’re a woman, this might also have something to do with your cycle, but I’ll save that for another time).

And it really did help. I believe, we are now in a time, where we don’t want to care so much about all the material things in our lives. How we dress, which lamp we have, which car we drive or who cuts our hair. I believe we will start caring about the relationships we have with people. Being nicer to our friends and colleagues. Developing a deeper and more affectioness relationship with our partner. Understanding the world around us and understand why people act the way they do.

It’s time to look inside and value the beautiful things we all possess. Maybe the Scorpios are a bit mysterious, but that’s what makes them interesting. Sure the Leo roars, but we have to listen to what it’s really trying to say. Aries may be dominant and independent, but maybe they need someone to take care of them once in a while.

Which bring me to this. Three days after I started reading about my sign and whom I’m compatible with, I went on a date. It was a Tinder date, but it didn’t feel like one at all. I felt like I had known him forever, which apparently I had. We had gone to the same school for 1,5 years, without ever noticing one another.
The conversation suddenly stopped and while we both tried to come up with something to say, he suddenly asked. “So what’s your Zodiac sign”. Being an Aries and well me, I truly believe in signs. This was definitely one. “I’m an Aries,” I said, not trying to show my excitement. “So I am” he replied. Oh no… No no no no….

As I mentioned earlier I had just gone through all my exes (there’s a few) and one of them is an Aries. I totally understood why we couldn’t be together. We’re both too headstrong and love to talk. Neither of us would ever bow to the other. I actually said we couldn’t have sex until we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend (I was 17 and heartbroken) and well. It worked. We didn’t have sex, till after we stopped seeing each other 7 months later. Way to go Karo.

So what should I do with this new Aries man in my life? We both laughed at the coincidence. I admitted, that I had just read the book and learned that he knew a thing or two about Astrology as well. This explained, why we had been so loud and kept talking over each other, full of excitement and passion. I almost stopped the thing then and there. Because I wanted so bad, to believe that Astrology could now, be my ultimate guide to life. It might still be. I don’t know when or where he was born, so I can’t figure out his whole sign. But I continued seeing him, even though Astrology told me I shouldn’t. And a month later I’m still seeing him (which in my easily bored Aries type, is very very impressive).

I guess what I’m trying to say is, that I think Astrology is great to some degree. It’s good for us in this time and place, to have something to believe in. We may not go to the extremes like they do in India, where the parents find the perfect partner for their children based on their Zodiac signs, but I believe we might be able to make better decisions in our lives. It might help us understand the people around us better and give a new insight into the world and our problems.

And btw! I know this is sooo mid-2018-ish and I’m not a trendsetter or a first mover, but then again I never said I was. But let’s just say that trends and news takes a little while before it reaches Scandinavia and therefore Denmark. At least I found out about it before it’s worn out. Because we all know that frozen yogurt just doesn’t taste the same when your grandparents are serving it too you. That’s when you know it’s time to let go of that trend.

Be blessed and spiritual till next time.
And please listen to Years and Year’s album Palo Santo and feel sanctified.

 

Karoline's Blog

How to be single

Today I read a great book. A book about being single and how it’s different in every country and culture. That even when you feel alone and lost you must realize that you are not.

This book not only made me cry and laugh, it also inspired me deeply. It gave me insight into the world and made me think about my own life and situation. .

Sometimes we need some perspective to see how great our lives actually are. Or a little push that tells you that whatever you’re dreaming of, actually can come true. You just have to believe in it enough.

I love the idea of writing about people. Interviewing them and figuring out what’s really going on in their quiet minds. Wondering if they feel the same way as me.

I have traveled a lot in my life and learned so much about cultures and people. Maybe it’s time I start to gather all these thoughts into a storyline just as like brilliantly as Liz Tuccillo did in her amazing book ‘How to be single’.

I loved the ups and downs of her characters, how everything seemed authentic yet perfectly plotted and how I absolutely devoted myself to her story. I devoured this book in no time and if you haven’t read it and you are, well, a woman of any age, then I highly suggest you do. Single or not, this books has great lessons to learn and grants you a new perspective on love and life.

Poetry

Feelings

Don’t get any feelings
I told myself as he caressed my hand

Don’t get any feeling
I told myself as we talked about the past
The ups and downs
The memories

Don’t get any feelings
He told me when I wanted to hold his hand
To feel him close to me like I did the night before

Don’t get any feelings
I thought as I laid in bed next to him
Feeling his warm breath on my neck
Thinking about yet another goodbye

Don’t get any feelings I mumbled when I got on the plane
Leaving you behind
Without any feelings

⁃ It didn’t work

Poetry

Infatuation

Do you ever get so infatuated with someone
That even their name turns you on

That even though you know
It will never happen
You can’t help trying
You know the outcome and
It doesn’t look good
But he does

What ever he does
Makes you flinch
Makes you fantasize about touching those fingers
One at the time
Kissing those lips
Soft at first
Then passionately

Saying your name out loud is a new found hobby of mine
I find odd pleasure in pretending I’m yours and you’re mine
Feeling each syllable leave my tongue and fall neatly off my open lips
The lips you close in on
Your eyes lock in mine
You smile and say
“Tell me what you’re thinking about”

You, I think
Always you
But I keep quiet
And simply say my favorite words

– I never knew a name could be my favorite word

Karoline's Blog

Sex and the city in 1999 vs. 2019

These last few days I have been binge-watching season 2 and 3 of the amazing show ‘Sex and The City’. Like every other single-twenty-something-girl, I look at their lives with amazement and hope.
Gosh, it looks like they have a lot of fun.
Gosh, I hope that is not my life in 10 years.

Don’t get me wrong. They are living their best lives. Having the time of their lives.
But to be honest, their lives sure does look like mine right now.

Old boy out, a new boy in, talking about boys, looking for ways to meet cute guys, complaining about boys etc. And as much fun as I’m having with all the boys talk, I’m also looking forward to the part where it will just be me and one boyish man happily ever after.

But I kept noticing little things that definitely changed from 1999 till 2019.
Here they are:

  • Home telephone vs. smartphone

Back in the 90’s cell phones hadn’t quite arrived yet. They were looming somewhere close by, but at the beginning of season 2, the only cell phones they have are the ones plugged into the wall of their house. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE RELIEF?

You’re out, when you’re out, you can’t check your phone every two minutes to see if he replied, you have to call, if you want to talk to people.

Wow. I really miss those times. It seems that the thing I mostly do wrong in a pre-relationship (when I’m crushing hard on someone) is to ruin it with my “phone-timing”. I should explain this made up term “phone timing”.

We all know, when we like someone timing is everything. We have to reply at the perfect time. Not too soon, not too late. As if we have a life, but a life we definitely want him to join.
And to conclude I do not indeed have this special phone timing. When he answers I run to the phone, or try to ignore him for 3 days. Either way, it’s not working for me

One more great thing about home telephones. Let’s not forget the fact that it’s so much easier, to hear how people actually feel, when you’re talking, versus trying to guess if that emoji means that he wants to fuck or if he wants to introduce you to his parents. Just saying.

  • Meet cute vs. tinder

It was raining outside when their eyes met across the street.
He walked slowly towards her without headphones, looking at her, not his smartphone. He smiled awkwardly and said something romantic like do you know where this street is, because he couldn’t “google maps” it. Then he asked for her number, not her Facebook, because he wanted to get to know her over dinner and not stalk her the whole night, then never contact her. It was love at first sight.

How romantic. But really.
I keep wondering HOW and WHERE the hell they meet all these attractive and frisky men.

But today I did a little experiment. I looked up while biking around Copenhagen. And they’re here as well. Just as single and frisky. Just as ready to go. But something changed in the last 20 years.

Headphones: We’re all too busy listening to Fleetwood Mac or a podcast, so approaching someone isn’t cute, it’s just creepy and quite frankly annoying.
Busy: We’re all too damn busy to sit down in a park with a book and just enjoy the day.
Bikes: In Copenhagen we’re all on bikes and it’s not like you’re going to yell after someone, that you think they’re hot, while they’re biking away. I guess you could bike into them and call it a meet-crash?
Trust: We didn’t read about creepy stalkers 24/7. In the 1990’s they might have believed people and their good intentions. But in 2019, we would be quite weirded out, if someone randomly asked us out on a Tuesday.

We wouldn’t recognize a meet-up if it ran into us on the street.

But let’s change that. Let’s start asking strangers out on dates, when we’re sober and standing in random places. Wouldn’t it be so retro and cute? I know you want to!

  • The clothes

Wait, forget about that.

The 90s are back in style 😉

  • Twenties vs. thirties

So what is the big difference between the SATC girls and me and my friends

Twenties:

  1. Still confused about life in general
  2. Not quite sure what you want to do with your life
  3. Still studying
  4. Looking for a steady job
  5. Looking for a place to stay
  6. Trying to decide where to live in this world.
  7. Still falls for stupid boys
  8. Looking for a new steady job because they got bored of the old one

 

Thirties:

  1. Sorta understands life
  2. Have a clear idea of what they want to do with their lives
  3. Might be finished studying
  4. Have a steady job that they like
  5. Have a great place to live and it looks like a home
  6. Know what they want to do in their life
  7. Still falls for stupid boys (somethings never really change)
  8. Continues at the job or gets a better one
  • Friendships

I truly envy the girls and their close friendship. The best part about it is that they only have three close friends and that they all hang out together. If I only had three friends I would be the best friend. Instead, I have 15 “close” friends, whom I try to know everything about and see two times a week. And even if you are not an expert in math, I can tell you that there simply isn’t enough hours and days of the week to make this possible. Sure, I know I should just “cut down”, on some friends. But how do you do that?

I don’t think I am the only one with this problem. People want to have more of everything. More clothes, five cars, twenty friends and three boyfriends, they can switch between whenever they feel like it.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I like that they share every moment of their lives with each other. They are family. They have each other’s backs even when they get into stupid s***. And I think that is the most beautiful relationship of the entire series. That’s the one we should really aim for.

That’s it.

Let me know if you thought of any other points I have missed.
Over and out xoxo