Karoline's Blog

Pictures on Tinder

I have horrible taste in men. I’m just saying. As I sit here, wasting my time away by swipes my finger from side to side, I’ve started to notice a pattern.
We’re all the same.
We judge people based on 2-3 carefully chosen profile pictures and then have an idea what that person is like.
Gosh, it’s tiring.

But I might as well get something useful out of all the millions of hours I have spent thinking the next swipe will be the one.

So here are some typical Tinder pictures (for guys) and what they actually mean:

  • The baby picture

“I promise I don’t have a baby, but now you know I’m capable of holding one and isn’t that damn adorable. Doesn’t that make me more f***able?” Sure… Well done. But if I read ” not my baby” one more time I’m deleting the app (just kidding I need love in my life and this is the only one I can use in my bed, while eating icecream).
And if you do have a baby then please let me know before we go out, so I can put that into my specific love equation that lets me know if we belong together or not.

  • Surfboard
  1. Look at my hot body
  2. Look at my hot body holding this hot surfboard
  3. Imagine me surfing
  4. Are you imagining a hot Australian guy like Chris Hemsworth.
  5. Now close your eyes and think of him while we…

I mean… It’s cool. It’s hot. If you actually know how to work it and don’t fall off, I’m in.

  • Selfie

Please no. All I’m imagining is you, alone, in your room, trying 6 different poses to get that selfie just right… Nah

  • Animals

Here I want to highlight the grant amount of cute doggy and kitty pictures that float around Tinder and other social media love apps. It’s cute. Especially since you KNOW we will give you a like SIMPLY because it would be downright RUDE to turn down such an amazingly cute animal. I have no idea what the guy in the pictures looks like but GOSH you found a cute animal to take a picture with (because most of them aren’t yours anyway)

  • Jumping in front of cool travel spots

Wow, you travel. Welcome to 2018. Everybody’s been to Thailand. Go to the moon and I’ll be impressed. Or better yet go to Wisconsin (no offense to Wisconsin it just has a nice ring to the name and I’m not sure it’s a huge Instagram spot if it is I’m sorry).

  • Musical instruments

Aka. the guitar. Aka. wanna hear me play John Mayer? DO I???!? If you actually play the guitar (like the surfboard) that’s hot. If you’re trying to fake who you are, just don’t. I’ll find out sooner or later anyway.

  • The funny note

Finally! Some personality! I want to know who YOU are, not the Tinder robot you created while dreaming of all the hot girls this profile will get you. Be weird, be sassy, be ironic (again I have to warn you I do tend to have a weird taste in men so this may not apply to you all).

  • The “oh look I wear glasses sometimes” picture

“I can be hot. And sexy. And nerdy. Anything you want.” *****WARNING**** Major fetish reveal coming up… I love glasses. Those big nerdy hipster, spiderman, superman all man glasses. So please don’t think this is a bad thing. Also… you know once the glasses come off…

And last but not least. This is not a picture I know that but gosh. The importance and difference it makes must not to be forgotten…

  • The profile text

YAS! If you can write a good, original, funny, somewhat creepy in a charming way profile text then I am yours. All the previous judgments and assumptions I had about you before. POOF evaporates. Just like that. You must be a BLAST to hang out with and I will do my best to consider it before I after 15 minutes of swiping decide that love is hopeless and I should just buy a cat or a turtle.. Where was I? Oh yeah. If you can catch me in those 15 minutes of love and hope, WOW well done you!

So yeah. I guess that was it for me.
Now I can go back to stare at strangers I will never meet, but perhaps one day will marry. What a great world we live in.

Till next time.

Ps. I have no idea who that guy in the picture is. Is was the first thing to come up when I googled Tinder pictures. Sorry handsome but unknown fellow. This isn’t pointed at you I promise.

Funny, Karoline's Blog, Written Words

Roskilde Festival 2014 vs 2018

HVAD SÅ ROSKILDEEEEE!!!!

Ja tak. Så er jeg kommet hjem fra en vild og voldsom uge på Roskilde.
Meen? Var det ligeså fedt og voldsomt som da jeg sidste gang var afsted i 2014.
Har jeg ændret mig eller har festivalen.
Let’s dive in.

– Tøjet

2014: Måske var jeg bare klam men jeg husker det som om ALLE tog deres grimmeste tøj på og stank som jeg ved ikke hvad hele ugen. Bad var ikke meget omtalt og to i løbet af ugen var rigeligt. Man havde ironiske bøllehatte på (inden de blev seje), morfars gamle striktrøje og smadret H&M tøj på man kunne kyle ud efter. Men det var okay. For vi var fælles om det. Bæltetasken var praktisk og havde en formål (ikke få dine ting stjålet). Den var ikke en del af et sæt.

2018: Wow, wow wow. Hvilket modeshow. Hvilket rent hår. Hvilken duft (sådan næsten da). Jeg var overrasket over hvor godt folk så ud. Planlagte outfits, deres pæneste kjoler klemt ned i rygsækken og solbrillen på plads. Intet var tilfældigt. Hvilket er lidt ærgeligt. Vi kan altid se godt ud. Er det ikke fedt at være grim bare en enkelt uge om året 😉

– Mobiler

2014: Smartphones var der, selvfølgelig var de det. Men jeg husker dem slet ikke (måske forbi jeg ikke havde en). De var ikke tilstede. Folk efterlod dem derhjemme i frygt for at de blev nappet. Man fandt sin gamle Nokia 6210 frem og løb op til opladerstanden hver anden dag for at få den opladt over natten. “Men hvad så hvis folk ville have fat på dig” tænker du? Surt show, de måtte vente. Og man måtte pænt skrive tilbage “Sorry den var til opladning”. Man var fri. Mere villig til at møde nye mennesker, spørge om ting, være i nuet. Men det er vist en længere samtale.

2018: Smartphones alle vegne. De bedste instaposes, de sjoveste stories, stirren i mobilen, afhængigheden, akavetheden reddet pga. den sorte skærm foran dig. Øv. Der røg lidt af fællesskabet. Man kan jo ikke leve uden den efterhånden. Derfor kom Volt. Så du kan få en ny opladt powerbank en gang i døgnet så du ALDRIG skal opleve den rædselsfulde oplevelse at gå hen til en person, kigge dem i øjnene, og spørge om vej til Arena. For du har din app. Du har dit google maps. Du har Tinder så kærligheden i virkeligheden er også overvurderet. Du skal tjekke likes. Osv. osv. Ikke at jeg er imod smartphones eller noget…

 

– Alderen

2014: Let’s be real. Jeg var naturligvis yngre i 2014. Lige blevet student, ankom fuld, uden stemme og klar til at fyre den af. 20 år, single og ready to mingle. Intet kunne stoppe mig. Man drak sig bare ned hver aften for så sov man hurtigere og tømmermænd var ikke et begreb jeg kendte til. Tror endda det var det år jeg blev gift med en nordmand. Men det er en anden historie.

2018: 24 år. Fuldtidsarbejde, relativt mere fornuftig, tidligt i seng for at være klar til næste dag. Disse er ting jeg er stolte af, men bestemt ikke ord jeg forbandt med Roskilde Festival. Men dette år var det sandt. Jeg sagde glædeligt ja til at arbejde 7 ud af festivalens 8 dage i 7,5 time om dagen. Men når man stadig er 24 år, single og alt det der, så vil man stadig gerne nyde det. Og det var der også tid til.

Men kan vi lige snakke om hvor unge folk er. Der er jo 17-årige piger i bikini der spiller fodbold i sæbevand… Nu lyder jeg gammel, det ved jeg godt. Men min søde fremtidige datter skal bestemt ikke på Roskilde som 17 år. Især ikke når jeg tænker på mit første år på Roskilde som 17 år… Siger det bare… Ikke de bedste beslutninger der blev truffet der.

Men i år var jeg fornuftig. Og træt. Åh så træt hver aften. Jeg frøs. Og blev ædru og ville hjem og sove i min eget rene telt i mediecampen hvor der var stille. Men det er fint. Vi bliver alle gamle og vi kan ikke blive ved med at drikke hjernen ud og løbet forvirret rundt med en ølpong i den ene hånd og toiletpapir i den anden mens man desperat leder efter et toilet eller sine venner eller sin bøllehat eller hvad hulen man ellers lavede dengang var man 17-20 år. Åh det var tider.

 

-Mad

2014: Pesto, rugbrød, minut-nudler, mere pesto. Sådan der. Ugen er reddet. Alle ved jo at en 3 kroners minut-nudler virkelig ligger en god solid bund inden man drikker 24 øl.

2018: Dixieburger, kylling i Karry, uhh har du hørt om det der sushi sted. Sagde du 108 kr for en ris-ret. Ja okay så pyt…. Av av av. Maden er dyr på Roskilde. Men jeg kan simpelthent ikke længere orke at slæbe dåsemakrel osv med på Roskilde. Men så er det jo godt der rent faktisk er et super godt udvalg hele ugen. Ærligt, det er nok det mest rigtige mad jeg har fået på en uge hele året.

 

 

Jeg tror det vi sammen kan konstatere er, at måske er det ikke så meget Roskilde Festival der har ændret sig. Måske er det bare mig der har gennemgået den ting som Peter Pan frygter mest. Adulthood… Just kidding, er der ikke helt endnu, men jeg nærmer mig og det tror jeg nu også er helt okay. Vi kan ikke alle leve af spand i en uge og tro det ikke har nogen konsekvenser. Det har det nok ikke, men måske ikke gør det hver uge alligevel.

Men lad mig slutte af med at sige. Wow Roskilde Festival er et fantastisk sted. Fantastisk stemning. Fantastiske mennesker. Og det er ligemeget om de nu har flottere tøj på, spiser rigtigt mad og poserer til Instagram. Vi er stadig fælles om det.

Till next year.

 

 

Poetry

Meant to be

17 june 2018 8:53

It was meant to be

Written in the stars

that’s what they all say

Before those were just words in a sentence

Before that, was just sounds from a mouth

Suddenly I see the truth in them

Suddenly it seems as if it’s more than just a night

More than just a kiss

I saw you

Looked into your eyes all night

Talked about your family

Asked about my dreams

Our eyes grew tired as the sun came up

Our bodies fit together like a puzzle

No need to push

No need to adjust

It just said click

As I looked into the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen

I started to wonder

Will I see them again

Will I be in those arms once more

I sat down on the bed watching you dress

Hoping it would be true

All the things we said

The promises we made

I hoped it would be a way for the universe to show me

That this was where I was meant to be

Poetry, Written Words

Today I decided to get a boyfriend

Today I decided to get a boyfriend
So I sat down
found my phone
made popcorn
and downloaded the app

The lovemaking app
My future husband app

As I sit and swipe I think
No
No
No

This was not how I expected
my Friday night to go
Too scared to leave the room
to look them in the eyes

So I swipe
Architect
Yes
Guitar
Yes
Long hair
Yes

Will I ever learn
My type is terrible
The worst
No wonder you’ll never find the one
When you keep choosing the wrong one
The easy one

I want to find the King of my heart
My muse
my new someone
not the new you

So i swipe
I buy wine
and swipe
till there are no more men

Poetry

It took one glance

It took one image to fall back in love with you

One glance for all the feeling to come crashing down on me

The memories returning l, making me wonder why we ever stopped

We were good together

Weren’t we?

We should be together

Shouldn’t we?

Is it too late now?

Did I loose my chance

Fuck it all up with my insecurity and doubtful mind

I really hope one day you will forgive me

That one day I get to look into those eyes again

The eyes that made me believe in love once again

Karoline's Blog

Demands for future lovers

When I was younger, finding a boyfriend was so easy.

He just had to be cute and popular. Make me laugh and like my friends.
Lately, it seems like a different story. As if there are too many factors and demands to think about. Too many checkboxes to check off before you will even consider dating that person.

Here are the new considerations I have when deciding if I like someone or not (which is also stupid seeing that you can’t choose who you like. It just happens. But when you’re single and bored this is what you do. Consider everyone you see or know)

  1. Last name. I never thought about this. But I obviously want my future husband to have a beautiful last name that goes well with my name as well. I can’t be called Karoline Kooler Karlsen or something weird like that. The initials just don’t really have a nice tone…
  2. Children. Does he want them? When does he want them? If he’s much older than me, he prob wants them waaay sooner than I. I’m “only” 24″ so still have a few years before I want to start considering that. But if he’s 30, I’d worry it’s on his mind NOW. But then again if he’s much younger I’d have to wait TOO long.. Gosh.
  3. Age. Which made me think of age. I want someone I can talk about my childhood with, but also want him to be mature and have an adult job. So a bit older than me.
  4. Job. Jobs weren’t even really a subject when we were younger. If he worked at the cinema it was a plus cuz then you could get free popcorn. Now it’s more complicated than that. I have a tendency to fall for creative types. Aka. unemployed boys. Not men. Not suit-owning, let me treat you, let’s go to Paris kind of guys. I don’t care if they’re crazy rich, that’s not it. But I want the freedom to be able to do what we want to do. I have my own money, and I want him to know how to handle his money as well. This seems like quite a big subject lately.
  5. Family. I love my family. I want my family to love my future husband. I want my future husband to love my family. I want us all to be ONE BIG FAMILY. You get me. Right?
  6. Timing. Gosh… If my best friend has a baby in two years, then I need to have a baby in two years cuz those kids have to either be best friends or get married. It’s all about timing. My kids have to play with my brother’s kids so we have to time that as well. I know we can’t choose when to fall in love and all that, but gosh wouldn’t that be nice.
  7. Hobbies. This is a hard one. Opposites attract and all that. But what if he likes pop and I like heavy metal (killing stereotypes and all that. It’s very inn in 2018). What if he wants to watch action movies and I love musicals. He hates traveling and I can’t breathe without it. Some things are just hard to choose and live without. We have to time them just right, so we like some of the same things, but aren’t the EXACT same person.
  8. Country. Where should we live? Where does he live? Where do we want to work? Should we move around? Stay grounded? Get bored? I don’t even know where I’m heading with this one. I guess I just have a slight feeling I’ll end up with someone from another country (really Karoline what makes you think that. Maybe the fact that you haven’t dated a Danish guy since you were 17).
  9. Way of life. Is he a morning person? Super fit and will blame me and my Nutella obsession (then I obviously won’t marry him but you get it). Is he cheap or does he spend all his money on stupid things? Will he force me to throw out all my CD’s….. Please don’t…!
  10. I guess the thing is. Will we fit well in the long run? Will we be able to make each other happy? Laugh every day. Be able to be good parents while still remembering to love each other. Be able to grow up and get wrinkly and still look into those eyes and think of that special day when we swiped right. Or locked eyes in the metro. Or bumped into each other drunk at a music festival.

I suppose all these thoughts keep running through my brain which makes the first date quite stressed. I know you can’t know till you know. That I don’t have to meet the one right now and I can just have fun and meet him when the time is right.

But am I the only one who has these thoughts. The only one who considers every single thing about a guy before I allow my heart to fall hard. For if it’s not right, not perfect, is it even worth it?
Yes. Yes, it is. Each person leads us closer to the right one.
Hopefully one day I’ll find someone whom I can check all the important boxes. Not in a perfect way. But in the way that’s perfect for us.

Poetry

You are so kind

You are so kind
You are so kind
It’s not like the other times

You are so sweet
I don’t know how to treat you right
scared of breaking you

The others were strong
Sexy
Grand

But you
You are genuine
Sweet

The good kind
The loving kind
The marrying kind

I don’t know how to act
How to talk
How to deserve such a sweet creature as you

But maybe it’s time I try
Try to find something worth my time
Someone to take care of me for a change
Someone to be kind to me